


Say you'll see me again (even if it's just pretend)

by misslymiss



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-04-10 03:06:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4374818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misslymiss/pseuds/misslymiss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Octavia turns towards Clarke excitedly.<br/>“Lincoln’s friend needs a date for a high school reunion!”<br/>“And?”<br/>Octavia rolls her eyes and gives Clarke’s arm a slap.<br/>“And <i>you</i> should do it, of course!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Lexa comes back from class completely exhausted. Being a law student is interesting and rewarding, but extremely draining at times. Today was filled with long classes and particularly boring teachers. She doesn’t let that discourage her; the more interesting teachers captivate her and make her feel that it will all be worth it.

She stops by her mailbox on her way to her apartment. She doesn’t even know why she bothers anymore. Who even sends paper mail these days? She rifles through the coupons and the advertisements before landing on a small envelope. She turns it over slowly and her heart sinks when she sees the inscription on it.

She pulls out her keys and unlocks her door, giving it a push with her hip to open it. She places her keychain on the hook by the door, carefully takes off her shoes and places them in their allotted space, and places the rest of the contents of her mailbox in the recycling, setting aside the envelope. Her whole apartment is organized and everything has its place. She enjoys the predictability of knowing where each item is; everything else in life can be so unpredictable.

Only when her blazer is hung up in her cupboard and her face rinsed with cold water does she return her attention to the envelope. After sitting down at her desk, she slides her letter opener through the paper and pulls out the letter. She takes a deep breath and unfolds it.

**_TonDC High School- Class of 2010 Reunion_ **

_Dear TonDC High graduate,_

_Please mark Saturday **July 25 2015 at 6:00 PM** to your calendars to reunite with your fellow classmates and learn what they have been doing these past five years!_

_You may register online at_ [ _www.tondchigh.com/reunion_ ](http://www.tondchigh.com/reunion) _. You will be able to confirm your attendance as well as receive updates about the event. We were able to contact you, but there are still some classmates that we have been unable to reach. The website features a list of the names of your missing classmates. If you are in contact with any of them, please direct them towards the website so that they may receive all the information concerning the reunion._

_We look forward to seeing you again._

Lexa  puts the letter down slowly and concentrates on controlling the rising panic in her chest. She had known this was coming, she clearly remembers the principal ending her speech on the last day of high school with “see you in five years!”. She also remembers never wanting to set foot in that place again. And although Lexa pretends not to care what people think, she wants to go to this reunion to show everyone how well she has done. Law school is no small achievement.

Lexa did not have many friends in high school; she usually kept to herself, insisting that she was too focused on her grades to have time for social activities. Thus, there are very few people that she is looking forward to seeing at this reunion. There is, however, one person in particular that she dreads seeing again.

Costia and Lexa dated during senior year. At the time, Lexa had been open and vulnerable. Her love for Costia had been pure, and she was never happier than when they were together. The two of them made promises to love each other forever, but they had been naïve and innocent. They were forced to end their relationship when Costia’s parents discovered it. At the time, Lexa had tried everything to get her back, but Costia had respected her parents’ wishes and dated one of the football players instead. Lexa didn’t like him, he was cocky and unpredictable, and Costia deserved so much better.

Lexa has started registering online when it hits her. _She can’t go to this high school reunion without a date_. The realization makes her snap her head up in panic. Costia is sure to be there linking arms some guy her parents approve of. Lexa has to show her that she has moved on as well, otherwise Costia might get the ridiculous notion that she still isn’t over her.

Lexa mentally goes through the list of people she knows, searching for anyone who might agree to be her date. The list is very short. She thinks of asking Anya if she knows anyone, but she knows that it would earn her a long speech about appearances and honesty, and she would rather not go through that again. Instead, she opts to call Lincoln.

“ _Hey Lexa. What’s going on?”_ a hoarse voice answers.

“Hello, Lincoln. I need a favor.”

“ _What can I do for you?”_

 _“_ I need a date for my high school reunion.”

“ _Oh._ ”

Lexa contorts her face when she realizes what it sounded like.

“No, no, I am not asking you to come with me,” she backtracks. “Everyone in high school knew I was gay. I was wondering if you had any friends who might be willing to help me out.”

There is a small pause and Lexa thinks she hears a muffled high-pitched squeal. A moment later, she hears Lincolns voice in the receiver again.

“ _Octavia says she knows just who to ask._ ”

Lexa’s eyes flutter shut in relief. “Thank you Lincoln,” she sighs, “and Octavia” she adds on second thought, realizing that Lincoln’s girlfriend has been listening to the whole conversation.

“ _Don’t mention it._ ”

 

***

 

Octavia pours the popcorn from the bag into a bowl, swinging her hips to the beat of the song she is humming. She hisses as the heat from the bag burns her fingers, but she doesn’t let that deter her. She drops a few pieces on the floor, but quickly picks them up and pops them in her mouth before making her way into the lounge room and letting herself fall heavily on the sofa between Clarke and Raven. Clarke grabs a handful of popcorn and pours it into her mouth. When she reaches for the remote, Octavia grabs her arm in a flash.

“Not yet,” she warns.

Clarke has learned to go along with whatever Octavia asks, and turns back to look at her friend without putting up a fight.

“What?”

Octavia turns towards Clarke excitedly.

“Lincoln’s friend needs a date for a high school reunion!”

“And?”

Octavia rolls her eyes and gives Clarke’s arm a slap.

“And _you_ should do it, of course!”

At that moment, Raven gives an offended huff.

“Why are you asking Clarke?”

Octavia turns back towards Raven and gives her shoulder a small pat.

“Because Lincoln’s friend is a girl, and Clarke here actually dates girls, whereas you do not.”

“So? This girl is obviously trying to impress her high school friends with a hot date. And as the hotter one, I should do it,” she states with a playful gleam in her eye.

Clarke knows where this is going. This is a game that has been going on for years between herself and Raven. The playful comments have turned into a full-blown competition, with both girls fighting mercilessly for the title of the hotter one. Clarke grabs a pillow and aims for Raven’s face.

“You’re delusional, Raven. As a medical professional, my opinion on the subject is more reliable and better informed. I am obviously the better-looking one here.”

“Medical professional, my ass! You’re just a med student; you don’t get to play the medical professional card until you actually graduate.”

Octavia raises her arms in surrender. “Ok guys. How about this: we get Lincoln to send her a picture of the two of you and _she_ gets to decide who she wants her date to be?”

“Deal!” Raven shouts instantly. She crosses her arms and eyes Clarke confidently.

Clarke glares back. “Yeah, sure.”

Octavia calls Lincoln from the other room and borrows his phone to snap a picture of Clarke and Raven. Clarke smiles brightly into the camera while Raven pouts her lip, flips her hair and gives the camera her sexiest look. Lincoln sends off the pictures to Lexa, and both competitors eye his phone eagerly until it buzzes a few moments later. Clarke and Raven scramble for the phone, but Lincoln pulls it out of their reach and grins as he reads the message.

“And the winner is…” he pauses, waiting for a drumroll, but only Octavia obliges. “Clarke!”

Clarke pumps her fist and grins at Raven, who pouts.

“Whatever. You’ll have to sit through a boring high school reunion.”

“Yeah, but I’ll be the hot date!”

 

***

 

Clarke is woken by her cellphone buzzing next to her. She picks it up groggily and peers at the screen. 6:03AM. Who sends messages at six in the morning on a Saturday? All of her friends have been warned to steer clear of her in the mornings.

**Unknown number**

Hello, this is Lexa. Lincoln told me that you agreed  
to be my date. Are you free today? We should meet  
and discuss the details.

Clarke sighs and changes the contact name to ‘Lexa’ before firing off a reply.

**Clarke**

I’ll agree to meet with you if you promise to  
never message me before 9AM ever again.

 

Clarke sends off the message and cringes when she realizes that it could be interpreted as rude. It’s six in the morning; she can’t be blamed for her actions.

**Lexa**

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.

**Clarke**

It’s ok. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude.  
Name the time and place. I’ll be there.

**Lexa**

11AM, Polis Café.

 

Clarke sets an alarm for 10AM and goes back to sleep.

 

***

 

Clarke walks into the café five minutes late, and only then does it occur to her that she has no idea what Lexa looks like. Luckily, a girl stands up from her table and steps towards Clarke as she walks in. Clarke stops dead in her tracks when she sees Lexa’s graceful hand extend towards hers.

“Hi. Clarke, right?”

Clarke’s first thought is that there is no point in Lexa getting a hot date, since everyone will be staring at her anyways. How couldn’t they? Her long hair tumbles down her back in soft curls and frames her angular face. Her piercing green eyes meet Clarke’s blue ones and her full mouth twitches in confusion as she waits for Clarke to answer. Clarke’s second thought is to wonder why the hell Lexa needs to ask a friend to help her find a date, when someone so beautiful would clearly have thousands of people falling at her feet.

When Clarke finally emerges from her stunned state, she manages to get the muscles in her arm working and extends her hand to shake the one Lexa offers. She nods because she is under the impression that Lexa has asked her a question, although she has no idea what it was. She would agree to anything the brunette asked anyways.

Lexa gestures towards the counter.

“What would you like?”

“Oh no that’s ok, I’ll get myself something,” Clarke manages to say with a surprisingly even voice. She starts to get up, but freezes when she feels Lexa’s hand on top of hers.

“Please, I insist. You are agreeing to be my date; it’s the least I can do.”

Clarke nods and sits down.

“A latte please.”

Lexa makes her way towards the counter and Clarke tries not to stare, but she notices Lexa’s fit body and long legs before tearing her gaze away. She pulls out her phone and checks her messages.

**O**

So is she hot?

 

Clarke smiles as she types out a quick reply. Octavia considers herself a matchmaker and is always looking for opportunities to set her friends up with strangers.

**Clark Kent**

Yep.

Her phone buzzes almost instantly after she has sent out the reply.

**O**

You’re screwed.

**Clark Kent**

Yep.

 

She puts her phone away as she sees Lexa coming back towards the table with a mug in her hands. She places it down carefully in front of Clarke before returning to her seat. Clarke gives her a small smile.

“Thank you.”

Lexa waves her hands dismissively. “It’s nothing.”

Clarke wraps her hands around the mug and lifts it up to her lips, taking a small sip. She looks back up at Lexa and smiles when she catches Lexa staring at her. The brunette quickly looks away and clears her throat.

“I wanted to meet so that we could make sure we were on the same page for my high school reunion.”

Clarke swallows her mouthful of warm coffee and puts her mug down.

“I’ll go along with whatever you have in mind.”

Lexa nods and Clarke would have sworn that she looked nervous if the expression didn’t look so foreign on her face. The brunette takes a deep breath and visibly swallows.

“I would like for us to pretend that we are in a relationship,” she blurts out, unable to make eye contact with Clarke. When she finally gathers the courage to look Clarke in the eye, she finds her smiling back at her.

“Yeah, I figured. Got an ex you’re trying to impress?” she asks with a wink.

Lexa sighs. “Something like that.”

Clarke notices the fleeting expression of hurt across Lexa’s face and wonders what happened in high school, but she doesn’t push the subject. It’s none of her business after all. At that moment, Lexa pulls a stack of papers out from her bag and places them on the table.

“I took the liberty of writing down the details of our _relationship_ ,” she announces, making sure to use air quotations for the word “relationship”. She pushes the papers towards Clarke. “The documents strictly cover the details of the relationship. I think we should focus our conversation today on getting to know each other. You may read the papers in your own time.”

Clarke is surprised by Lexa’s forwardness. She had noticed the brunette’s air of confidence, but she hadn’t expected her to be so forward and so formal. She doesn’t mind, though.

“Alright. Hi, I’m Clarke Griffin. Nice to meet you.”

“Hi Clarke, I’m Lexa Woods. Do you paint, Clarke?”

Clarke gives her an incredulous look. “Yes I do actually. I love painting in my spare time. How did you know?”

Lexa gives a small smile and points to the dash of paint on Clarke’s shirt.

“Deduction,” she answers simply. “What do you paint?”

“Mostly landscape. Some portraits.”

Clarke’s hands itch with the desire to paint Lexa’s beautiful face and piercing eyes. Although she suspects she couldn’t do them justice. Clarke realizes she is staring when Lexa shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

“And what do you do with the rest of your time?” Lexa asks, attempting to keep the conversation going.

“I’m a med student. It keeps me pretty busy.”

Clarke enjoys med school, but she often finds herself doubting whether or not she chose the right career path. She sometimes wonders if she chose medicine simply to gain her mother’s approval. She tells herself that she never wanted her approval, especially not after what happened to her father, but a part of her wonders if she should have pursued a career in art.

“Yes I would imagine so. A med student… that is very impressive.”

Clarke shrugs. “Just following in my mother’s footsteps. What about you? What do you do?”

“I’m studying law,” she answers simply, taking a sip from her mug.

Clarke raises an eyebrow. “That’s pretty impressive as well. How do you like it?”

“It is a lot of work, but I enjoy it. Like you, I do not have much time to myself.”

“And what do you like to do when you do have time to yourself?”

Lexa thinks back to the previous day, which was filled with punching bags, mats and wooden sticks. She remembers the exhilaration of whirling between adversaries, parrying blows and inflicting some of her own. Her knuckles are still sore from a particularly well-placed punch. Her adversary must be in worse shape than she is, however.

“Martial arts.”

“Nice,” Clarke comments with a whistle. “I bet you could kick my ass.”

Lexa smiles at that, because she probably could, but she isn’t sure she would want to. Clarke tilts her head to the side.

“Is that how you know Lincoln?”

“Yes, I train with him. How do you know him?”

“I know his girlfriend, Octavia. We’ve been friends since we were kids.” She smiles fondly at the recollection of how they met in kindergarten, how Octavia’s chubby had had held hers and never let go. She has always trusted Octavia and her judgement. As her phone buzzes in her pocket, she is reminded of Octavia’s message: _You’re screwed_. And she couldn’t be more right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi: mrslexagriffin.tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 2

On the night of the reunion, Lexa picks up Clarke as they agreed. Although she has been expecting her, Clarke’s heart races when the doorbell rings. Octavia, who has been putting up with Clarke’s fussing over her clothes and makeup, pokes her head around the corner with a sly smile. Clarke shoos her away before skipping over to the door and opening it.

Although unsurprising, the fact that Lexa is wearing a suit takes Clarke’s breath away. The suit is black and perfectly fitted to her form. Her white shirt is adorned with a black tie and her hair is pulled away from her face in a long braid. When she manages to regain her composure, Clarke looks up to find Lexa looking at her with slightly darkened eyes. Clarke can’t help but smile; the red dress was a good choice after all.

“So, do I look good enough to impress all your high school friends?”

“You look beautiful,” Lexa blurts out, her cheeks darkening when her mind catches up to her mouth.

“You’re not so bad yourself.”

Clarke thinks she sees Lexa’s cheeks turn a shade darker.

At that moment, both Octavia and Raven appear behind Clarke. The two of them had agreed that they had to take advantage of this opportunity to get a look at Lexa, despite Clarke begging them to stay away. Octavia gives Lexa an appraising look before declaring:

"You were right, Clarke. She _is_ hot."

Clarke turns towards her, mortified, and ready to murder her so-called friend, but Raven gets to her first.

"O, she may be good-looking, but she obviously had terrible taste. I mean, she chose Clarke over me! There is clearly something not right with her head."

Clarke cringes as she tries to get her friends to shut up with wide eyes and wild gesturing. 

"Guys, this is kind of a bad time," she pleads, gesturing towards Lexa as she stands in front of her protectively, hoping that it will somehow shield her ears as well as her eyes. 

"No", Raven opposes, taking a step forward. "This is the perfect opportunity for me to see for myself what sort of crazy person would pick Clarke over me."

Even Octavia looks worried as Raven turns towards Lexa. 

"Hello, let me introduce myself. I'm Raven, the clearly better-looking friend."

Lexa smiles and extends her hand to shake Raven's. 

"Hello Raven, I'm Lexa, the girl who, unfortunately for you, prefers blondes to brunettes."

Clarke is glad that Lexa's attention is focused on Raven as she feels her cheeks heat up. Raven gives Lexa a wry smile and takes another step forward. She is about to suggest something about dying her hair blonde when Octavia comes between them, arms raised in surrender. 

"Guys, I'm going to cut this conversation short before it escalates." She turns towards Lexa and explains: "I would hate to have to kick your ass because you insulted my friend."

Lexa raises an eyebrow and Octavia rolls her eyes. She is used to being underestimated because of her height.

"I'll have you know that I'm a brown belt in karate."

Lexa nods, looking impressed.

"I'm a black belt."

Octavia's jaw drops and she lets her arms fall to her sides. 

"Wait, you said your name was Lexa? _The_ Lexa? The one Lincoln trains with?"

"Yes, that would be me."

"But I never see you around! When do you train?"

Lexa smiles. "I usually go early in the mornings, around 6 or 7."

Octavia gives her a shocked look. "You and Lincoln are crazy. That's why I never see you. At that time of day, I am sleeping comfortably in my warm bed, thank you very much."

Lexa shrugs. "I am an early riser."

Behind her, Clarke chuckles. 

"Yeah, I noticed."

That earns get a raised eyebrow from both Octavia and Raven.

"Oh, it's just because she texted me at 6 in the morning," she backtracks, but her desire to defend herself only makes her look more guilty in the eyes of her friends.

Raven sighs. "Dammit, I thought I still had a chance, but you guys are obviously already banging."

Clarke gives an exasperated sigh. "First of all, Raven, you are straight. Secondly, we are not sleeping together."

"But I'm glad that you think we are," Lexa interjects, which earns her surprised looks all around. 

"Well, we are trying to get people to believe that we are in a relationship," she explains. "The more realistic the better."

Lexa moves towards the door and turns back towards Clarke. "Come on, sweetie, we don't want to be late."

 

***

 

The car ride to Lexa’s high school is quiet. Clarke notices that Lexa has been gripping the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles are white. Clarke puts her hand on Lexa’s leg in an attempt to reassure her, but pulls it away quickly when the car swerves dangerously.

They thankfully make it in one piece and follow the signs for the reunion, which leads them into the gymnasium. Lexa has fond memories in this gym; it was one of the only places where she felt at home in high school. She participated in as many sports as she could, and always spent a lot of time here. Now, there is carpet spread over the glossy floor, and a large banner is hanging in the entrance.

_Welcome, Class of 2010!_

Lexa ignores the butterflies in her stomach when Clarke takes her hand and laces her fingers through hers. This is all an act, after all; Clarke is only trying to make this seem believable. Clarke gives her hand a small squeeze.

“Ready for this?”

“As ready as I will ever be,” Lexa answers through gritted teeth.

As they weave through the small crowd, Lexa catches glimpses of familiar faces. Some of them bring back bad memories and leave a bad taste in her mouth. Just as she wonders why she wanted to come in the first place, she catches a glimpse of _her_.

This was a terrible idea.

Lexa tightens her grips on Clarke’s hand and pulls her away towards the far side of the room, where a long table is covered with drinks. Clarke senses Lexa’s uneasiness and follows her without complaint. She watches her grab a glass of wine and pour it down her throat before taking one in each hand and handing one to Clarke. They nurse their wine quietly, Clarke looking around curiously and Lexa hoping not to get noticed. She has no such luck.

“Lexa?” an incredulous voice calls from behind them.

Lexa slowly turns around and grins when she finds a tall man with a long beard beaming at her. Gustus was one of the rare people she got along with in high school. They played sports together and she always felt that she could be herself around him. She never kept in touch, because she always felt that he was only friends with her out of obligation, not because he enjoyed her company. She thought that the end of high school would mark the end of his obligation, and had attributed his attempts at staying in touch to pity.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” he grins, gesturing to Clarke.

Clarke takes a step forward and shakes his hand.

“Hi, I’m Clarke. The girlfriend.”

Lexa feels her whole body react to the word _girlfriend_. She quickly pushes away her feelings and puts on a smile.

“Clarke, this is Gustus.”

He shakes Clarke’s hand and offers Lexa a sly wink.

“So how did you guys meet?”

“Through mutual friends,” Clarke offers, earning her a surprised look from Lexa. “It was love at first sight,” she adds, giving Lexa a small peck on the cheek.

Lexa freezes at the contact. She feels heat rush throughout her body, leaving her extremities tingling. Clarke is impressed at how smitten Lexa seems and it briefly crosses her mind that she should have become an actress, because she is _really convincing_. Clarke is also making an effort to make this seem realistic on her end, but she finds it very easy. She hates to admit it to herself, but the kiss on her cheek came from an impulse, rather than a calculated acting choice.

When Lexa finally recovers from the kiss, she turns back towards Gustus.

“What have you been up to, Gustus?”

“I’ve joined the army. I’m actually leaving in a few weeks.”

“That’s great; it’s what you always said you wanted to do!”

He grins back at her and nods. “How about you?”

Lexa tries to contain her pride. “Law school.”

Gustus breaks into an ear-splitting smile and gives Lexa a congratulatory pat on the back. Although Lexa is strong, she has to take a step forward to keep her balance. Clarke enjoys watching the two of them interacting. This is the most relaxed she has seen Lexa. Just as they are getting comfortable, someone calls for Gustus, and he is forced to excuse himself, but not without making Lexa promise to keep in touch. This leaves Clarke and Lexa alone together once again. Clarke rocks back on her heels, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry for kissing your cheek. We didn’t talk about PDS and I should have asked first.”

Lexa shakes her head. “I don’t mind. I think that we should do what we can to make this seem realistic… That is if you are comfortable with it. I don’t want you to feel obliged-”

Clarke silences her with another kiss on the cheek. Lexa is better at controlling her reaction this time around, but that doesn’t stop her treacherous cheeks from reddening.

“You read the document,” she mentions casually, trying to get the attention away from herself.

“Huh?” Clarke asks distractedly. She is focused on man behind Lexa, staring at the brunette intently.

“You told Gustus we met through mutual friends. That’s what I wrote in the document I gave you. You read it.”

“Oh right,” Clarke nods, returning her attention to Lexa. “Yeah well you told me to.”

Lexa bites her lip and nods slowly. She hadn’t expected Clarke to actually read the document. And she clearly remembers writing the details on how they met towards the end of the text, which indicates that Clarke took the time to read all of it. Clarke gives her a small smile and brings her mouth close to Lexa’s ear.

“There’s a guy behind you staring. Do you know him?”

Lexa doesn’t bother with subtlety and immediately turns to look behind her, visibly blanching when she sees the man staring back at her.Before she can avoid him, he is in front of them. 

"Quint," Lexa hisses through her teeth. 

He pretends not to notice her anger, and gives them both a smile.

"Lexa," he greets, nodding in Lexa's direction. "And I don't believe I have had the pleasure," he adds, turning towards Clarke. 

“Clarke,” she answers simply, sensing Lexa’s discomfort.

His smile widens as he looks from one girl to the other.

“Well I just wanted to come by and say hi to you, Lexa. It’s been so long, we should really keep in touch,” he sneers. “And if you ladies ever want to spice things up, feel free to give me a call,” he adds with a suggestive wink.

As he moves away, Clarke turns to Lexa, horrified.

“Did he really just suggest…?”

“Yes,” Lexa answers, keeping her eyes fixed on him as he walks away. Once he is out of sight, she turns towards Clarke. “He was always very unpleasant. I am sorry if he offended you.”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“But I do. I should never have come to this reunion, and I certainly never should have brought you along simply to impress the people I knew in high school. It was selfish and shallow of me. We should leave.”

As Lexa turns to leave, she spots the one person she was dreading seeing at this reunion. Before she can run away, Costia waves and makes her way towards her, dragging a tall man with messy brown hair behind her. Lexa instinctively reaches for Clarke’s hand for reassurance as Costia approaches them.

“Lexa!” she exclaims. “It’s so nice to see you. I’m glad you could make it; it’s been so long!”

“It’s nice to see you too,” she answers evenly, not reciprocating Costia’s smile.

Costia moves to wrap her arms around the man standing next to her while maintaining eye contact with Lexa. Clarke feels nails digging into her palm, and gives Lexa’s hand a reassuring squeeze. Costia drops a kiss on the man’s mouth before turning back towards Lexa.

“Oh, how rude of me. This is Chad, my boyfriend. Chad, this is Lexa, one of my high school friends.”

Lexa nods towards Chad and turns towards Clarke.

“This is Clarke, my girlfriend. Clarke, this is Costia.”

Costia’s smile flickers, but the change was so fleeting that Clarke is not sure if she imagined it. It occurs to Clarke that this might be the ex that Lexa is trying to impress. She leans closer to Lexa and gives her an adoring smile. She brushes away a loose strand of hair from Lexa’s face and tucks it behind her ear.

Chad grins. “So how long have you guys been together?”

“It was our three year anniversary last week,” Clarke offers, earning her an approving smile from Lexa. “What about you guys?”

Chad squints and looks up, calculating. “It’s been a couple of months, I haven’t really been keeping track. Sweetie?”

Costia gives him a scalding look. “Four months,” she mumbles.

Chad whistles. “Wow, I haven’t been such a long relationship for a while.”

Costia tries to communicate _shut up_ to him with her eyes, but he doesn’t seem to catch on.

“Hey you know what we should do?” he asks, unaware of Costia’s glare. “A double date!”

Both Lexa and Costia shift uncomfortably. Lexa doesn’t want to push Clarke into acting as her date for more than this evening. She is also worried that the longer they pretend to be dating, the more likely they are to slip up. But it seems like the perfect opportunity to show Costia that she is completely and utterly over her.

“Come on!” he insists, “It will be fun. You two will get to catch up on what you’ve been up to these last five years,” he adds, gesturing towards Lexa and Costia.

Lexa gives Clarke a questioning look, and Clarke immediately understands that Lexa is asking her permission.

Clarke gives Chad a polite smile. “Sounds great!”

“All right,” Costia agrees. “Let’s meet for supper tomorrow. There’s this new restaurant downtown, maybe you’ve heard of Jaha? It’s usually totally booked, but I can pull a few strings. It’s a bit pricey though-”

“That is not a problem,” Lexa interrupts.

Costia smiles. “All right. Let’s meet there at 7.”

They agree and part ways with pleasantries, polite smiles and the promise to meet the next day in order to catch up. Once Costia and Chad have made their way back across the room, Lexa turns seriously towards Clarke.

“You don’t have to agree to this supper. It’s not too late to cancel.”

“I am happy to go.”

Lexa frowns. She can’t possibly understand why Clarke wants to do this.

“You only agreed to be my date for tonight; I don’t want you to feel obliged-”

Clarke gently takes Lexa’s chin in her hand and pushes it up, forcing her to look her in the eye. “Lexa. I want to go.”

Lexa is about to argue when the lights dim and loud music starts playing from the speakers above their heads. Clarke smiles; she knows this song well and has danced more times than she can count. She takes Lexa’s hand and leads her onto the dancefloor. Lexa reluctantly follows, silently cursing herself for being so weak around Clarke.

They dance together, bodies swinging in time with the bass that reverberates through the room. Lexa is encouraged to loosen up by Clarke, and by the alcohol she has consumed. Clarke has to restrain herself from running her hands over Lexa’s body as she dances with her. Instead, she throws her hands up in the air and steps closer to Lexa, feeling their breaths mingle.

All of a sudden, the song is over and is followed by a much slower and softer tune. Lexa rolls her eyes.

“I thought this only happened in movies.”

Clarke grins. “May I?”

Lexa nods and Clarke snakes her arms around Lexa’s neck. Lexa sucks in a sharp breath and places her hands on Clarke’s hips. They swing slowly in time with the music, both painfully aware of where their bodies touch. Lexa finds herself desperately wishing that this was _real_ , that Clarke wasn’t dancing with her only to make others believe that they were in a relationship. She finds herself wishing that she could lean in and press her lips against Clarke’s. But of course she can’t, because this relationship is not real, and Lexa has to remind herself of that every time she glances down at Clarke’s inviting lips.

 

***

 

Clarke is burrowed in her blankets sleeping soundly when her phone buzzes loudly, effectively waking her up. She frowns as she wipes the drool from her cheek as she checks the time on her phone. 9:01AM.

**Lexa**

I am going to cancel the dinner tonight.

 

Clarke groans and throws off her blankets in one swift motion. She is rubbing her eyes in an attempt to wake up when her phone buzzes again.

 

**Lexa**

I am sorry, I hope I did not wake you.

 

Clarke sighs. She remembers warning Lexa not to message her before 9AM. Judging by the time of the message and the accompanying apology, she guesses that Lexa has been worrying about this for a while, and sent the message as soon as 9 o’clock struck. She blows away the wild strands of hair from her face as she types out her reply.

**Clarke**

Lexa, we talked about this.

**Clarke**

We’re going.

**Clarke**

I want to.

Clarks waits for an answer, but none comes. She quickly gets dressed, pulling clothes off the floor and sniffing them to make sure they are clean enough to wear. She leaves her room wearing ripped jeans and a band t-shirt. She grabs the dress that she was planning on wearing that night and makes her way to the door to Octavia’s room.

Clarke bangs loudly on the door. “Lincoln?”

She hears rustling inside the room, followed by a thump and a complaint.

“I know you’re in there!”

She hears footsteps shuffling towards the door a moment before it is opened a crack, revealing a half-asleep Lincoln. Clarke sees no sign of Octavia, and assumes that she has not moved from the bed. Lincoln leans against the doorframe, eyeing Clarke suspiciously.

“What is it, Clarke?”

“Do you know where Lexa lives?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi: mrslexagriffin.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

Half an hour later, Clarke is standing in front of Lexa’s door, holding two cups of coffee. She pauses, trying to figure out how to knock with a cup in each hand. She spots a doorbell, and manages to press it with her elbow.

A moment later, the door creaks open and a disheveled-looking Lexa pokes her head out of the door. Her eyes widen when she sees Clarke staring back at her and her first instinct is to close the door in her face.

“Lexa?” Clarke calls across the closed door.

“Clarke,” Lexa’s voice answers, slightly muffled from the other side of the door. “How did you find me?”

“Lincoln,” is all the explanation Clarke offers. “Please let me in,” she pleads after a beat.

“I am not appropriately dressed. I look awful.”

“I don’t care. Come on, I brought coffee.”

After a moment, the doorknob turns and the door swings open just enough to let Clarke in. She slips in quickly and closes the door behind her before Lexa changes her mind. She finds Lexa standing a few feet away, eyeing her warily. Her heart immediately softens at the sight of Lexa, dressed in a t-shirt and leggings, her wild hair tied in a loose bun, and her green eyes tired. It amuses and amazes her that this is what Lexa considers looking terrible.

Clarke steps forward slowly, extending her arm and offering a cup of coffee to Lexa as if it were a peace offering. The brunette steps forward to join her and accepts the cup with a nod.

“I didn’t know how you took your coffee, so I just took it black.”

Lexa nods again and takes a few sips from the cup, sighing contentedly. Clarke grimaces; she always has to add heaps of sugar and milk in order to be able to drink her coffee without wanting to vomit. She doesn’t understand people who drink their coffee black.

Lexa leans against her kitchen counter and puts her cup down with a sigh.

“Why are you here, Clarke?”

Clarke is taken off guard for a moment. Lexa’s presence is so comforting that she had forgotten that she was here for another reason that to just be with her. She is quickly reminded that their relationship is fictional, no matter how much she might want it to be real.

“You weren’t answering my messages.”

When Lexa doesn’t answer, Clarke continues.

“If you don’t want to go to that dinner, I won’t force you to. But if you don’t want to because you think I don’t want to, or because you think I feel obliged, you’re wrong.”

Lexa sighs and shakes her head.

“But there is no reason for you to want to come. You fulfilled your engagement by coming to my high school reunion with me.”

Clarke takes a step forward.

“This isn’t about obligation. I want to go because I enjoy spending time with you, and I think it will be fun. I also know that you want to go and catch up with your high school friend, and maybe show off a little about how well you’re doing,” she adds with a smile. “I want to help you.”

Lexa nods slowly and takes a sip from her cup.

“Alright. But I promise that this will be the last time you will have to pretend to be my girlfriend.”

“I don’t mind, really,” Clarke answers honestly.

After a pause, Clarke can’t contain her curiosity any longer.

“Did you date Costia in high school?”

She sees Lexa look down sadly and immediately feels terrible for asking. She curses her curiosity and her bold tongue before quickly backtracking.

“I’m sorry! I know it’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have-”

“Yes.”

Lexa looks like she wants to say more, but Clarke doesn’t push her. She imagines that this must be painful for Lexa to relive. She lets the brunette take the time to collect her thoughts, placing her hand on top of hers for reassurance. Lexa takes a deep, shuddering breath before continuing.

“She was the first person I ever dated. She broke my heart.”

Clarke gives her hand a squeeze.

“What happened?”

“Her parents found out.”

Clarke nods sympathetically and instinctively reaches to enclose Lexa in a hug. Lexa freezes for a moment before responding and wrapping her arms around Clarke. They pull apart after a few moments and Clarke pretends not to notice the tears in Lexa’s eyes.

They stand there awkwardly for a while, both avoiding eye contact and sipping quietly from their cups. Clarke finally downs the rest of her coffee and places it down loudly on the kitchen counter.

“Well, now that I’m here, we might as well hang out. You know, research for our whole act?” she asks, trying not to sound too hopeful.

“I actually had a few things that we never got around to doing while we had coffee the other day,” Lexa starts. “A newlywed game, for example,” she adds quickly, trying to get the whole sentence out before she can lose her courage.

Clarke giggles. “But we’re not married. Not even in our fake relationship.” She pauses, her eyes going wide. “Unless….”

“No, we are not married in our “relationship”, but I thought that we could answer questions from the game in order to gain information on each other,” Lexa explains, careful to air-quote the word _relationship_.

Clarke gives her a thumbs-up, as she sits down in a fashionable armchair. She is surprised at how comfortable it is; she would have thought Lexa would pick things only for esthetics, not comfort. She can’t imagine Lexa going to a furniture store and sitting on all the armchairs to find one that is comfortable.

Lexa makes her way to the couch and pulls out her computer, quickly finding what she was looking for.

“Alright, let’s start with an easy one. What is your spouse’s eye color?”

Clarke grins and turns to look Lexa in the eye, but finds that the brunette has squeezed her eyes shut. It makes no difference; Clarke would recognize Lexa’s eyes across a room. She could spend hours trying to recreate their exact shade with paint, but never quite capture the nuances.

“Green,” she breathes.

Lexa opens her eyes and gives Clarke a smile. They stare at each other for a moment before Clarke snaps out of her trance.

“Oh, but now you’ve seen my eye color,” she complains.

 Lexa’s smile widens.

“I would have known in any case. Your eyes were the first thing I noticed about you.”

Lexa’s mind catches up to her mouth and her cheeks quickly fill with color. She clears her throat and returns her gaze to her computer, franticly searching for a distraction.

“What is your spouse’s most used cuss word?”

Clarke rolls her eyes. “You don’t swear.”

“Is that what you think?” Lexa asks with a smile.

“Of course! You’re way too proper for that.” Clarke teases. “Not that it’s a bad thing,” she adds when she sees Lexa’s smile falter.

“So I rarely swear,” Lexa agrees. “You still need to answer the question.”

Clarke takes a moment to think about what swear word she can imagine Lexa using. But it turns out that imagining Lexa saying _fuck_ is leading her mind to very inappropriate places. She struggles to get the wildly inappropriate images out of her mind as she turns back towards Lexa, her cheeks burning.

“I’m sure it’s _darn_ or _shoot_ or something,” Clarke jokes awkwardly.

Lexa shrugs, unsure of why Clarke became suddenly embarrassed.

“Let me think about yours,” she ponders. “Shit?”

Clarke chuckles. “That’s probably right. I mess up so much that I’m always saying _shit_. Although _fuck_ is a close second.”

Lexa smiles and turns back towards the computer, looking for the next question. Clarke gets up from the armchair and makes her way to the sofa, sitting down next to Lexa and looking at the list of questions on her screen. Lexa’s mind goes blank for a moment as she feels Clarke press against her. During Lexa’s momentary brain lapse, Clarke points to a question on the list.

“How about this one?”

Lexa recovers and reads the question quickly.

“Which one of the two usually gets their way?”

Clarke grins. “I mean, it’s pretty obvious.”

 “I agree. It is obviously me.”

Clarke’s jaw drops. “You can’t be serious!”

“I am,” Lexa answers evenly. “I am studying law; I always get my way.”

“That makes no sense! How about we look at some facts. Like how, for example, you wanted to back out from the dinner tonight, and I convinced you that we should go.”

“That is irrelevant. I only wanted to cancel because I thought it was considerate.”

Clarke blows out a puff of air. “How about we move on to another question, since we will obviously never agree on this one?” she asks, returning her gaze to the computer. “Ah! Here’s an easy one: Who is the better catch out of the two of you? Obviously you are the better catch. Next quest-”

“Hold on,” Lexa interrupts.

Clarke slowly looks up from the screen. “Oh my god, you’re not going to argue over this, are you?”

“Well I think it at least merits a discussion. I, for one, do not agree with you.”

Clarke bursts into a cocky grin. “Really?”

“Yes, really. You are a med student and you are beautiful. There’s no contest,” she states matter-of-factly.

Clarke glows at the compliment for a moment before she returns to her senses.

“Wait, but what about you? A law student! And the most beautiful girl I have ever s… I mean, you’re not hard on the eyes,” she stutters.

Lexa smiles at Clarke’s compliment, the tips of her ears turning pink.

“We obviously cannot agree on these questions. Perhaps we should find something else to do until our supper. That is, if you want to stay here until then.”

Clarke raises an eyebrow, accepting the challenge.

 

***

 

Three movies later, Clarke is sprawled on top of Lexa, who is desperately trying to keep her heartrate from betraying her. Clarke stretches and removes her head from Lexa’s lap, much to the brunette’s dismay. Clarke stifles a yawn and offers Lexa a smile.

“I brought a dress to wear tonight. It’s in my car.”

Lexa nods as Clarke stands.

When Clarke returns from her car with a dress draped over her arm, she finds Lexa already dressed in a beautiful black dress that shows off her toned arms and smooth skin. Clarke tries not to stare, but she feels her jaw visibly drop at the sight of the tattoo on Lexa’s arm.

“I’ll just uh… Go put this on,” she manages to blurt out, pointing awkwardly to the bathroom.

Lexa nods with a smile and Clarke locks herself in the bathroom in order to get dressed. She takes a moment to calm herself down and to scold herself for her inconvenient attraction. She pulls the dress on and gives herself a satisfied nod when she sees herself in the mirror. The shimmery blue fabric looks really good on her. Clarke reaches for the zip behind the dress in order to zip herself up, but is unable to reach it, no matter how she contorts herself. She rolls her eyes with a sigh and unlocks the bathroom door.

“Lexa?” she calls across the closed door.

“Yes?”

“Come zip me up.”

When she doesn’t hear any movement, Clarke opens the door just enough to see Lexa’s hesitant eyes looking back at her. She swings the door open and turns her back to Lexa, motioning to the zip.

Lexa freezes at the sight of the expanse of uncovered pale skin. She brings her hand to zip the dress, but forgets what she was doing and brushes her hand against Clarke’s skin for longer than would be deemed appropriate. Lexa is brought back to reality when Clarke clears her throat. She quickly zips up the dress and offers Clarke a smile when she turns around.

“You look beautiful,” she breathes, eyes glossing over Clarke.

“So do you. Now let’s go show your ex how happy we are.”

 

***

 

They arrive at the restaurant five minutes early and give their names to the man who greets them at the entrance. He gestures for them to follow him. Clarke looks around the restaurant wide-eyed. It is everything you would expect of an expensive restaurant: chandeliers, modern décor and waiters in suits. She hasn’t been able to afford to eat in a place like this since she started her studies. Lexa, for her part, gives the place a quick glance, trying to look unimpressed.

The waiter brings them to a table towards the back of the restaurant where Costia and Chad are already seated. Costia stands up and smiles at them as they arrive.

“I’m so glad you could make it!”

Lexa gives her a stiff smile and sits without embracing her.

“I hope we did not keep you waiting.”

“Not at all! We just got here.”

Once they are all seated, the waiter brings them a bottle of wine. Costia nods for him to pour her a glass.

“We ordered the wine, I hope you don’t mind. Chad here is a bit of an expert on wine and he really wanted to try this one.”

Lexa gives a small smile as the waiter fills her glass with the red liquid. She hates red wine, but she can pretend to like it for tonight. Clarke gives her an encouraging smile before taking a sip from her own glass. She doesn’t mind red wine, and she is happy to have a bit of alcohol in her system for this dinner.

Chad swirls the wine in his cup, sniffs it and takes a small sip. He nods appreciatively at the wine before turning towards Lexa.

“So, Lexa, what have you been up to these last five years? I’m sure Costia wants to hear all about it.”

Costia nods and turns her attention to Lexa, who gazes back at her levelly.

“I have been studying law, which has been keeping me busy. All my free time goes towards my relationship with Clarke and my training with martial arts.”

“So you still do martial arts?” Costia asks, to which Lexa nods. “Remember that time in high school when… What was his name? Quint! Yes, remember when Quint was bothering this girl and you kicked his ass? That was great.”

Lexa hates that memory; it was one of the only times she ever lost control and let her anger get the better of her. Quint had ended up with several broken ribs and a black-eye that lasted for weeks. She had hated herself for losing control.

Lexa shakes off the memory and changes the subject. “What have you been doing, Costia?”

“I took some time off to travel. I went to Europe and wandered around for four years. I recently got back, met Chad and I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to do.”

Lexa’s initial spark of jealousy at Costia’s opportunity to travel is soothed by the knowledge that she has her life figured out, whereas Costia does not.

“I trust that your parents are well?” Lexa inquires.

Costia shifts uncomfortably.

“They are doing fine. Nothing new really, they’re the same as they’ve always been,” she answers, sadness showing in her eyes for only a moment before she puts on an insincere smile.

“What do you do, Chad?” Clarke asks, attempting to dissipate the tension.

“I’m studying accounting,” he answers as Clarke tries to hide her grimace. He doesn’t seem to notice and proceeds to talk about his classes for the next ten minutes. He is so wrapped up in what he is saying that it takes him some time to notice that Costia is kicking his leg under the table.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t want to bore you,” he shrugs. “What do you do, Clarke?”

“I’m in med school.”

Costia and Chad’s eyes widen, which causes Lexa to grin proudly and rest her hand on top of Clarke’s. They give each other a reassuring smile and Clarke brings Lexa’s hand to her mouth, giving it a small kiss.

The rest of the meal goes well. Lexa and Clarke find many opportunities to show how well they are doing and how happy they are, much to Lexa’s satisfaction. She ignores the small voice in her head reminding her that none of this is real and that she will return to her loveless, lonely life soon enough.

Once their plates have been scraped clean and whisked away, the waiter appears with two slices of cake. He places them in front of Clarke and Lexa with a small bow.

“We didn’t order this,” Clarke points out.

“I know,” he answers with a smile before he clears his throat and announces loudly: “Excuse-me everyone and sorry for disturbing your meal, but it has been brought to our attention that a couple here is celebrating their three-year anniversary.”

Everyone in the restaurant turns towards their table curiously, whispering amongst themselves. Clarke feels her face turns red and she turns slowly towards Lexa, who she finds looking back at her calmly, although she notes that the tips of her ears are turning pink.

“Clarke and Lexa, please stand up so that we may offer you our congratulations.”

Clarke takes Lexa’s hand in hers and gives it a squeeze as she stands up from her chair. She feels Lexa rising next to her and she turns to give her small smile. Some people in the restaurant start clapping politely, as others offer them smiles and words of encouragement. They are about to sit down again when Chad’s voice can be hear above the noise.

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”

Other people start joining in and Lexa can’t quite figure out if what she is feeling is dread or excitement. Maybe it’s a mixture of both. She has wanted to kiss Clarke for some time, but not in a context where Clarke feels obliged.

Lexa leans in and gives Clarke a kiss on the cheek, taking advantage of the closeness to whisper in Clarke’s ear.

“It’s ok, we don’t have to.”

She moves to back away, but feels a hand behind her neck pulling her closer. She instinctively reaches for Clarke’s waist and braces herself against her. All of a sudden, she feels Clarke’s breath on her face and her hand in her hair. She looks up to find Clarke’s face very close to hers. So close that she notices little gold flecks in Clarke’s eyes for the first time as Clarke’s eyes move from her eyes to her lips.

Lexa finally gives up on holding back and closes the space between them. She presses her lips against Clarke’s lightly, intending to keep the kiss quick and chaste. But they both quickly forget about their audience and they press their lips together more firmly. Lexa parts her lips, allowing Clarke to take her bottom lip in her mouth. Lexa stifles a moan, at which she feels Clarke’s mouth upturn into a smile against her lips. In that moment, they both forget that they are their relationship is fictional and that they have an audience. They are reminded of both as Chad starts cheering.

They part sheepishly and Clarke gives Lexa a long stare as the brunette licks her lips, tasting Clarke on the tip of her tongue. As they sit down, Lexa can’t help but think what a good actress Clarke is. Her kiss had seemed so sincere, and she would have sworn that she saw a glimpse of longing in her eyes. Lexa can feel herself starting to want more, wishing that their relationship was real. She knows that, once this dinner is over, she will have to sever all ties with Clarke. She can’t afford to have her heart broken again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi: mrslexagriffin.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of this chapter was written on my phone, so autocorrect is to be blamed for any strange typos! (Please point them out to me so that I can correct them.)

**Unknown number**

Is this Lexa’s phone?

 

Lexa looks at her screen with a puzzled look on her face. She hasn’t given her phone number to anyone new and she hasn’t been expecting any messages. She weighs the pros and cons of answering before finally deciding that there is no harm in sending an answer.

**Lex**

Yes. Who is this?

 

A moment later, Lexa’s phone buzzes again.

**Unknown number**

Thank god you still have the same  
number! This is Costia. I really need  
to talk to you.

Lexa runs a hand through her hair as she tries to make sense of the situation. She didn’t think she and Costia had anything more to talk about after their dinner the other night. She considers simply ignoring Costia’s plea; it would be the easiest thing to do. But she owes it to Costia to talk to her after everything they went through. She types out her reply before she can lose her courage.

**Lex**

Meet me at our bench in 30  
minutes.

 

Lexa puts her phone down with a sigh. This meeting will be very different without Chad and Clarke to back them up. It will only be the two of them, just like it used to be. And they will be sitting on their old bench, where they shared so many memories and stole so many kisses. Lexa starts regretting choosing their old spot as a meeting place. She doesn’t even know if the bench is still there; it has been years since she has been to the park where they used to meet. She purposely avoids going near there, afraid of the memories it might bring back.

Although it is not far, Lexa leaves immediately, feeling the walls of her apartment close in on her. She can’t sit still knowing what is coming. She hopes the fresh air will help her clear her mind.

Fifteen minutes later, Lexa is sitting on the park bench, keeping the memories that rush back at arm’s length. Everything about this place reminds her of Costia and the good times they had together. She looks down at worn wood and spots the place where they engraved their initials on a summer evening. She runs her hand over the engraving, wishing she had something to remove any evidence that they were ever together, that they were ever happy.

Lexa is watching the swings sway in the wind when she feels Costia sit next to her. She doesn’t turn towards her, and she makes no move to acknowledge her presence. She continues to observe the swings and the way the wind pushes and pulls them, filling the silent park with their creaking.

“I don’t love him.”

Lexa continues to watch the swings for a moment before she turns towards Costia. She finds her looking very different from when she last saw her a few days ago. Her cheeks look somehow hollower, her shoulders are slumped and her eyes are tired. Lexa can’t believe how badly she wants to take her in her arms and comfort her. She resists the urge and reminds herself of how much pain Costia caused her when she left. Lexa must have looked a lot worse after Costia ended things with her.

“Who?”

Costia doesn’t have the strength to roll her eyes or make a witty comment like she used to.

“Chad. I don’t love him.”

“I don’t see what this has to do with me,” Lexa remarks coolly.

“I think you do,”

Lexa turns her attention to the patch of flowers at her feet as she tries to understand what she is feeling. Coming back to this place has brought back memories and feelings that she hasn’t had for years. It brings her back to the time when she and Costia thought they would spend the rest of their lives together. But circumstances are very different now, and Lexa has to remind herself to keep the past where it belongs.

“Costia, I-”

“I want you back.”

Lexa takes in a sharp breath, trying to wrap her mind around what Costia has just said. A few weeks ago, she would have gone back to Costia in a heartbeat. But Lexa’s feelings have shifted since she met Clarke and she is not sure she wants the same things she used to.

“Costia, I’m sorry,” she sighs. “I can’t.”

“But I thought…” Costia shakes her head. “I didn’t think that you and Clarke were actually dating. I assumed you brought her along to impress me, the same way I brought Chad. My parents approve of him, and he’s a nice guy, he really is. But I can’t love him, not the way I loved… Not the way I love you. I know I don’t deserve a second chance, and I know that this would mean me saying goodbye to my family, but I want you back. I _need_ you. Things were never the same without you. Why do you think I had to leave this place to travel for four years? I couldn’t stand seeing things that reminded me of you every day.”

Lexa listens in silence, giving Costia the time she needs to express herself fully.

“Your parents are still unsupportive?”

Costia sighs and buries her face in her hands. When she looks up, Lexa’s heart breaks at the sadness in her eyes. Costia shakes her head.

“They are old-fashioned. They were not raised to be accepting of differences.”

“Do not make excuses for them. It is 2015 and if they will not love their daughter unconditionally, then they do not deserve your protection. They have already taken so much happiness from you… and from me; I cannot forgive them for that.”

Costia takes Lexa’s hands in her own, eyes shining.

“If you want me to cast them off, I will. I’ll do anything to get you back. Please, tell me what I have to do!”

In that moment, Lexa realizes that she does not love Costia anymore. If she had said these words five years ago, or even a few weeks ago, Lexa would not have hesitated to take her back. But hearing those words now does not make her heart swell, it does not fill her with happiness. The hole Costia left in her heart when she left has been filled with someone else. But that is another problem, and one that Lexa intends to fix.

“I’m sorry Costia, but my heart belongs to someone else.”

 

***

 

It has been two weeks since Clarke had dinner with Lexa, Costia and Chad. It has been two weeks since Lexa drove her back to her place with the promise to keep in touch. A promise she has failed to keep. And now, Clarke can see that she never intended to. She can’t help but feel betrayed: Lexa only cared about her when she was useful. Clarke feels like she was used and thrown away like an old rag. She feels silly for having thought that there was something between the two of them, that it wasn’t all an act. Lexa obviously didn’t feel the same way.

After a few days, she had given up on sending Lexa messages. She didn’t want to be bothersome, and Lexa clearly didn’t want to talk to her. Now, she sits on her bed with her phone in her hands, looking at the call button next to Lexa’s name. Her thumb hovers over the button, when Octavia’s voice makes her jump.

“Hey Clarke, party at Bellamy’s tonight. You in?”

Clarke puts away her phone with a smile. She welcomes distractions these days. She will say yes to anything that makes her forget about Lexa for any amount of time.

“You bet.”

Octavia grins and bounces up and down excitedly.

“Come on, let me do your hair. You are going to look so hot for this party! I know you’ve been feeling down these days, so I’m going to help you pick up someone up. I’m telling you, you are not leaving this party alone!”

Clarke gives her a grateful smile. She follows Octavia in the bathroom where Raven is applying the finishing touches to her own makeup. She smacks her lips together in satisfaction and turns towards Clarke with a sad shake of her head.

“You look terrible, Clarke. Come here, let me do your makeup.”

Clarke lets her friends take over. Octavia does her hair while Raven takes care of her makeup. They pick out her outfit and purse. Clarke catches Octavia slipping condoms and dental dams into her purse and rolls her eyes at her friend. Octavia gives her an innocent look.

“What? Safety first!”

When Clarke finally sees herself in the mirror, she gives a satisfied nod. Maybe finding someone new will help her forget about Lexa, and she should have no trouble in that department with the way she looks tonight.

When she walks into Bellamy’s apartment, Clarke’s first thought is that she is not drunk enough for this. Bellamy's apartment is filled with more people than Clarke would have thought such a small space could contain. As soon as she is inside, Clarke can feel sweaty bodies pressed against her, dancing along to the loud music and not bothering to restrain their movements to spare the people around them. Octavia dives into the crowd first, making way for Clarke and Raven, leading them to the drinks.

Clarke wrinkles her nose when she sees the selection of drinks. 

“Isn't there anything stronger?”

Octavia gives the drinks a disgusted look and nods.

“Yeah, I know where Bellamy keeps his good stuff,” she states, leading them into a small and messy bedroom. 

Octavia clambers through the mess and reaches Bellamy's dresser in record time. She digs through his sock drawer and uses the key she finds to open the bottom drawer. She victoriously pulls out two bottles of vodka and hands one to Clarke, taking a swig from the other bottle before handing it to Raven. Clarke takes a few gulps from her bottle and it gives her the courage to make her way back into the crowd. 

On her way out of his room, Clarke bumps into Bellamy. She looks down at her bottle and notices that the contact caused a few drops to spill. 

“You made me drop some,” she whines. 

Bellamy looks at the bottle in her hand and frowns. When he sees his sister appear behind Clarke with an identical bottle in her hand, his frown deepens. 

“Those are mine,” he observes.

Octavia pats her brother on the shoulder. 

“Yeah, but this party's drink selection sucks, so we had to help ourselves. When you think about it, we're doing you a favor, because...”

Octavia trails off, trying to think of an excuse. Raven takes a step forward.

“Because drunk Clarke is gonna make this party epic!”

Clarke looks up from the bottle she is cradling protectively and sticks her tongue out at her. Raven doesn't let that dissuade her. 

“Have you ever seen Clarke really drunk? She does body shots and dances on tables.”

That seems to be exactly what Bellamy needed to hear because, after raising an eyebrow, he leads the girls out of his room and pushes them out into the crowd.  Once the three of them are starting to feel the effects of the alcohol, Octavia starts pointing out people in the crowd. 

“Clarke, what do you think of him?”

Clarke turns to look at the guy Octavia is pointing at. 

“What about him?”

“I'm helping you pick someone up, remember? Do you want to have sex with him?”  
Clarke looks at him indifferently before shaking her head. 

Octavia scans the crowd before picking out someone else.

“What about that girl over there? She’s hot! You know, if I wasn’t with Lincoln…”

Clarke shakes her head again, much to Octavia’s horror. Octavia has pointed out half the room when she turns to Clarke angrily. 

“Come on, Clarke! You're so picky! What happened to the Clarke who just needed a nice guy or gal that didn't look like a serial killer?”

Clarke mumbles something unintelligible in return. Octavia looks down at the bottle Clarke is holding and finds it half empty. 

“Ok Clarke, I think you've had enough," she orders, trying to get the bottle away from her. “You are definitely not going home with anyone in the state you’re in.”

Clarke holds on to the bottle protectively and turns away from her friends to push her way through the crowd. She stumbles outside, grateful for the fresh air, free from the odor of alcohol and sweat. She sits down on the grass and pulls out her phone. When she unlocks it, she finds her one-sided conversation with Lexa still open. Her fuzzy mind decides that one more message won't hurt. 

 **Clarke**  
Leza comand get mee

 

She puts her phone down on the grass, not expecting a response, and is surprised when her screen lights up with a response. 

 **Lexa**  
Are you ok Clarke? Where are you?

Clarke has no idea what Bellamy's address is. She turns around and looks at the building, finding the small sign with the address. 

 **Clarke**    
6442

 **Clarke**    
No 6542

At that moment, Raven and Octavia find Clarke outside. Clarke slips her phone back in her pocket and ignores its insistent buzzing. Octavia puts an arm around her. 

“You ok Clarke?”

Clarke sighs.

“Plumy. No, that's not right. Peachy. Just peachy.”

The three of them sit outside for some time, their conversation kept to a minimum due to their foggy brains. Clarke has lost track of how long they have been sitting on the front lawn when a car stops in front of Bellamy's apartment bloc. Clarke knows she recognizes the car, but she can't quite put her finger on whose it is. That is, until a lean figure gets out of the car and walks towards them. 

“Clarke, are you alright?”

Clarke lets her gaze trail up the long legs and up to the face looking down at her. 

“You came.”

“Of course I did. Would you like me to drive you home?”

Clarke looks at her friends. 

“You guys want a lift?”

Octavia stands up with some difficulty and shakes her head.

“No thanks. Lincoln should be here soon to join the fun.”

Raven gets up and gives Clarke an apologetic look. 

“Sorry, but someone has to keep an eye on O until Lincoln gets here. You know she gets violent when she’s drunk.”

Clarke stands up slowly to look her friends in the eye. 

“Ok. I wanna leave,” she states, turning towards Lexa. 

“Wait!” Octavia calls. “Come here.”

Clarke turns to go to Octavia, but stops when Octavia shakes her head. 

“Not you,” she corrects, looking at Lexa meaningfully. 

Lexa begrudgingly follows Octavia, who brings her out of Clarke's earshot. 

“Ok, here's the deal. Clarke has had a bit to drink. If you take advantage of her, you'll have to answer to me. And I don't care that you're a black belt, if I go down, I will take you down with me. Got it?”

Lexa nods seriously. 

“You are a good friend, Octavia,” she replies before making her way back to Clarke. 

“Ready?”

Clarke nods and hands her vodka bottle to Raven after taking one last gulp. Lexa holds the door open for her and Clarke scrambles in. 

Clarke manages to make it through the drive without saying anything embarrassing. Lexa keeps her eyes on the road, occasionally glancing sideways to make sure Clarke is alright. She parks in front of Clarke's apartment and cuts the engine with a sigh.

“We're here.”

Clarke looks up, surprised.

“Wow already?”

Lexa climbs out of the car and opens the door for Clarke. The blonde stumbles out and latches onto Lexa to keep from falling. Lexa grits her teeth and bears Clarke's weight without complaint. She heaves Clarke's arm over her shoulder and leads her patiently up the stairs. Once they reach the door, Clarke retrieves her arm from Lexa and unlocks the door with some difficulty. Once the door is open and Clarke is inside, Lexa turns to leave, but Clarke calls out to her from the doorway.

“Wait.”

Lexa turns around and looks at Clarke expectantly.

“Can you stay? Just for a little while?”

Lexa sighs and nods, following Clarke inside and closing the door behind her. Without any explanation, Clarke goes into her room and closes the door, leaving Lexa alone in the living room. The brunette sighs and heads over to the kitchen to search for a glass. The third cupboard she opens has what she is looking for. She picks out a tall glass and fills it with water.

Clarke exits her room a few moments later wearing a tank top and shorts covered with Spongebob designs. She grins as she tosses a small bundle of clothes to Lexa. The brunette catches it easily and unfolds it to find a t-shirt and star wars shorts. Lexa looks up at Clarke skeptically.

“I thought I was just staying for a little while.”

Clarke's inebriated mind has trouble thinking of an excuse for Lexa to stay. She doesn’t exactly have a reason; she just wants to spend time with her. She looks at Lexa with pleading eyes.

“Please?”

Lexa sighs; she can't say no to Clarke. She hands her the glass of water with a smile.

“Drink this. I will get changed.”

When she emerges from the bathroom a few moments later, the glass of water is empty and Clarke is feeling somewhat better. Clarke looks up at the sound of the door opening and can't contain her laughter at the sight of Lexa. The brunette's long hair tumbles over her shoulders and over her ill-fitting t-shirt. Her long legs emerge from under star wars pajamas and Clarke thinks she has never seen anyone more beautiful.

The clothes look foreign on Lexa as she makes her way towards the couch. When Clarke realizes that that is where Lexa plans on sleeping, she stops her.

“No you sleep in my bed. I'll take the couch.”

Lexa tries to protest, but Clarke is very stubborn when she is drunk. Lexa finally gives in and goes into Clarke bedroom. She tries not to pry, but she can't help herself from looking at the photos on the walls and shelves. Most of them feature Raven and Octavia, while others show her with an older woman Lexa assumes is her mother, and a man she thinks must be her father. Lexa subconsciously runs her hands over the fabric of her shorts. She likes how soft they feel and how they remind her of Clarke.

Lexa crawls into Clarke's bed and breathes in the blonde's scent. She buries her head in the pillow and takes in the sweet scent of Clarke’s shampoo before scolding herself and lying on her side. Clarke's smell is comforting and Lexa is almost asleep when she hears the sound of bare feet padding into the bedroom. She opens an eye when she feels the bed dip beside her and finds Clarke lying beside her, grinning. Lexa sighs and rolls over to her other side resignedly. She falls asleep quickly, enveloped by Clarke's scent and presence, forgetting that this was exactly what she was trying to avoid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi: mrslexagriffin.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

Lexa slowly drifts awake from the best night of sleep she has had in years. She feels warm and comfortable, more comfortable than she ever remembers being in her own bed. Through her still-closed eyelids, she can tell that that it is light outside. She shifts to roll onto her back but freezes when she feels a weight on her waist. Her eyes shoot open and she is met with a mane of blonde hair. She slowly takes in her surroundings, the events of the night before slowly coming back to her.

_Lexa is asleep on her couch, the television lighting up her figure intermittently. She often falls asleep in front of the television; it makes her feel less alone. She has grown used to letting infomercials lull her to sleep. She always regrets it the next day when she feels like all of her muscles have turned to wood._

_These last few days, Lexa has had more trouble than usual falling asleep. Thoughts of Costia and Clarke have been running through her head, and she has been unable to ignore them, as much as she would want to. Neither can she ignore the pull she feels towards Clarke, no matter how much she reminds herself that it is one-sided._

_She is jerked from her sleep by a loud notification from her telephone. She groans and curses herself for having forgotten to mute her phone for the night. She knows she should ignore it if she wants to be able to go back to sleep, but she can’t help herself from peeking at her screen. She squints as her screen blinds her momentarily before her eyes adjust and she can read the message._

**_Clarke_ **

_Leza command get mee_

_Lexa immediately bolts upright, typing out a quick response to Clarke. She is obviously drunk and in need of help, and Lexa cannot ignore her plea. She hates being so weak; she had told herself she would avoid all contact with Clarke, but she cannot bring herself to ignore her when she is in trouble._

**_Lexa_ ** _  
Are you ok Clarke? Where are you?_

_When Clarke answers with only a number, Lexa groans._

**_Lexa_ **

_I need a street name, Clarke._

**_Lexa_ **

_Clarke!_

_Worry gnawing at her insides, Lexa decides that she can’t wait for Clarke to send an answer; who knows how long it might take? What if she is in trouble and unable to answer? Thankfully, Lexa fell asleep fully-dressed and is ready to go in seconds. She grabs her car keys and rushes out the door, mind working furiously. There are only a few streets with addresses that go up to 6000. Lexa maps them out in her head, focusing on those closer to Clarke’s apartment. She can think of three._

_Lexa drives over the speed limit on her way to the first street. She is usually very law-abiding, but her distress causes her to bend the rules. She grips the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles turn white. When she is forced to loosen her grip because of lack of circulation, she drums her fingers against the steering wheel impatiently._

_Thankfully, the streets are very quiet at this time of night, and she makes it to the first street in record time. She stops in front of #6542 and scans the apartment. The lights are off and it appears empty, but she can’t be sure. She steps out of her car and bangs loudly on the front door._

_Lexa waits a moment, and when there is no answer, she bangs on the door again. A moment later, a half-asleep man opens the door in his bathrobe and eyes her suspiciously._

_“Who the hell are you? Do you know what time it is?”_

_Lexa ignores his questions and proceeds to her own interrogation._

_“I am looking for Clarke. Is she here?”_

_The door slamming in her face leads her to the conclusion that Clarke is not here, and she makes her way to the second location. When she arrives, she knows she is at the right place; she can hear the loud music from a block away. She parks in front of the house that is the source of the noise and she steps out of her car. She finds Clarke sitting on the front lawn with Raven and Octavia, clutching a bottle of vodka to her chest._

_“You came.”_

Lexa looks down to find Clarke's arm slung around her waist and her legs tangled with the blonde’s. She panics when she remembers how drunk Clarke was: she might have no recollection of what happened and think that Lexa took advantage of her. The brunette decides that she has to leave immediately in order to avoid any misunderstandings. Lexa calculatingly looks down at their tangled bodies. She starts pulling her legs away slowly, watching Clarke closely the whole time to make sure she doesn't wake up. Once her legs are free, she starts working on the arm draped around her waist.

Lexa has slowly started pulling the arm away when Clarke starts to shift. Lexa cringes when she sees Clarke eyes flutter and her breath quicken. When Clarke's eyes finally open and settle on Lexa, the blonde’s first instinct is to smile. It occurs to Lexa that this is a sight that she would love to see every morning when she wakes up, but she quickly pushes the intrusive thought away and smiles back.

Clarke looks down at Lexa's clothes, recognizes them add her own and frowns. She then seems to register that Lexa is in her bed because she sits up slowly and rubs her pounding forehead.

“Did we...?”

Lexa scrambles out of bed and waves her hands frantically.

“No!” she answers, sounding more horrified than she meant to.

Clarke bites her lip and looks down.

“Wow ok. I get it. No need to sound so grossed out about it.”

Lexa shakes her head and makes her way back to the bed.

“No, I'm... I just would want you to think that I took advantage. You were very drunk.”

As Clarke memory returns to her, she is about to defend that she wasn’t all that drunk when she hears a knock at the front door. Through her closed bedroom door, they hear Octavia answer. They hear a few unintelligible words, and then:

"Yeah, she's in her room."

Clarke turns to Lexa frantically.

“Oh my god, that must be my mom.”

She looks at herself, and back at Lexa in dismay.

"Do you realize what this looks like?" she whispers loudly.

Lexa gulps and nods. They hear footsteps approaching and Clarke is forced to think fast. She is still half asleep, and the best she can come up with is to shove Lexa in her closet. She has just closed the door behind a disgruntled Lexa when her bedroom door opens, revealing her mother.

Abby extends her arms and Clarke reluctantly lets herself be enclosed by her hug. Abby puts her hand behind her daughter's head and pulls her closer. And no matter how angry Clarke is with her and no matter how much she blames her for her father's death, she closes her eyes and lets herself feel safe and loved, just for a moment. Abby pulls back and looks at her daughter with a smile. 

“Clarke. It's been too long.”

Clarke sighs and rolls get eyes. 

“Well I've been busy. You know, with med school.”

Abby beams at her daughter and cups her cheek. 

“I'm so proud of you.”

Clarke lets herself appreciate the recognition for a moment before she reminds herself that she doesn’t need her mother’s approval. She pulls away, earning her a hurt look. Abby sighs and takes a step away from her daughter.

“So are you going to come and help me paint our new place today?”

“I said I would, didn’t I? Just give me a second to get dressed and I'll-”

Clarke is interrupted by a muffled, but unmistakable sneeze coming from her closet. Clarke slowly turns towards her mother, hoping that it went unnoticed, but she has no such luck. Abby is looking from Clarke to her closet with wide eyes. 

“Who's in your closet Clarke?” she asks suspiciously.

Clarke feigns ignorance.

“What?”

“Someone sneezed in your closet.”

“You must be imagining things, I didn’t hear anything.”

Abby sighs and marches to Clarke's cupboard. She swings the doors open in one swift motion, revealing a sheepish Lexa. The brunette’s expression quickly shifts from embarrassment to indignation. She steps out of the closet proudly. 

“You really should clean more often, Clarke. It is very dusty in there.”

Both Clarke and Abby's jaws drop. Abby recovers first, while Clarke is still in shock. 

“Who are you?”

Lexa takes a step forward and extends her hand. 

“Hi, I am Lexa. You must be Clarke's mother.”

Abby shakes her hand uncertainly. 

“Abby,” she provides. “Why are you in my daughter's closet?”

At that moment, Clarke snaps out of her trance and rushes between Lexa and her mother.

“Mom, Lexa is my girlfriend. I made her hide because I wanted to introduce you properly. But I guess now's as good a time as any.”

Lexa raises an eyebrow at Clarke, but says nothing. She turns towards Abby and smiles at her pleasantly. Abby is stunned for a moment, but quickly recovers. 

“Well then, Lexa. You should join us today. The more the merrier!”

Lexa looks at Clarke uncertainly. When Clarke gives her a subtle nod, Lexa gives Abby a polite smile.

“I would love to.”

Abby nods and turns towards the door. 

“It's settled then. You two get ready; I'll wait for you outside.”

Once Abby is gone, Clarke turns to Lexa with a grin and Lexa smiles back uncertainly. After everything Clarke has done for her, she is happy to repay the favor by pretending to be her girlfriend. They should have no trouble convincing Abby that they are together; they have a lot of practice with their act.

Lexa is unsure why Clarke would want to make her mother believe that she is in a relationship with her. She doesn’t have to wonder for long, because Clarke answers the question without even having to be asked.

“My mother has trouble grasping the concept of bisexuality. Because I have had boyfriends in the past, she thinks that makes me straight. Plus, she has been pestering my about my love life… I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. It’s the least I can do. What exactly are we doing?”

Clarke sighs and looks at the ceiling.

“She is moving in with her boyfriend. We’re helping her paint their new place.”

Lexa rolls her shoulders and stretches with a grin.

“I love painting.”

All of a sudden, the bedroom door flies open, and Octavia is standing in the doorway, hands on her hips. She looks surprisingly terrifying, considering the fact that she is wearing bunny slippers.

“I thought I heard talking!”

She storms into the room and grabs a fistful of Lexa’s shirt. Upon further examination, she releases it in disgust.

“This is Clarke’s!” she shouts indignantly.

She looks between Clarke and Lexa in disbelief and cracks her knuckles. Clarke stands by the door, completely bewildered as Lexa raises her hands in surrender.

“Octavia, it’s not what it looks like.”

Octavia approaches her slowly, hands balled into fists.

“That’s what everyone says when it’s _exactly_ what it looks like! I warned you! I warned you and you still took advantage of my friend!”

Octavia takes a step forward with every word she says. “You. Are. So. Dead.”  

Clarke’s confusion turns to understanding at Octavia’s accusations. She rushes in front of her friend and puts her hands on her shoulders.

“O, it’s ok. I remember everything, and she definitely did not take advantage. You’re really sweet though, and I appreciate you defending my honor, but it really won’t be necessary.”

Octavia eyes the two of them suspiciously, but slowly lowers her fists. After careful consideration, she accepts what Clarke tells her with a nod.

“In that case, I’ll just-”

Octavia slips out of the room before she can finish her sentence, leaving Clarke and Lexa dumfounded. Clarke is the first to burst in to laughter, closely followed by Lexa. The two of them gasp for breath, their eyes filling with tears. Clarke clutches her stomach and lets herself fall on her bed as Lexa composes herself, managing to get away with looking amused.

When Clarke finally recovers, she sits up on her bed and takes in a deep breath.

“Well you almost died,” she teases.

Lexa smiles and crosses her arms.

“Well thank you for saving me.”

Clarke giggles and gets up from her bed, remembering that her mother is waiting for them outside.

“We need to get dressed, and we need to tweak our story.”

Lexa gives Clarke a questioning look. Clarke starts rummaging through her chest of drawers as she explains.

“Most of the details of our relationship are fine, except for how long we’ve been together. If we tell my mom we’ve been together for three years, she’ll know we’re lying. How about we make it three months?”

Lexa nods in agreement and eyes the clothes Clarke is handing her.

“You don’t need to lend me your clothes,” she protests.

“I really do. Things always get messy when you give me a paintbrush, and I would rather not ruin your nice clothes,” she explains, gesturing to the carefully folded clothes on her chair.

Lexa nods and accepts the clothes reluctantly as they both start to get ready for what should be a very interesting day.

 

***

 

The car ride is awkward, to say the least. Clarke has opted to sit in the backseat with Lexa, thinking that it would make their relationship more believable. She has Lexa’s hands in her own as they rest on her lap, and she worries that the brunette can feel her hands sweating. Lexa sits quietly, eyes going back and forth between Clarke and her mother.

Abby’s efforts to make small talk only make the situation worse.

“The weather’s great for painting.”

Clarke rolls her eyes and Lexa smiles politely when she makes eye contact with Abby in the rear-view mirror. Abby drums her fingers on the steering wheel.

“Not too hot or too cold. Really perfect weather.”

Clarke sighs and gives Lexa an apologetic smile.

“Yes, mom. The weather’s perfect.”

Abby purses her lips and gives a stiff nod. Clarke releases Lexa’s hands, not wanting them to get too sweaty, and leans forward towards her mother.

“So, will Kane be there?”

“Please call him Marcus, sweetie. Or even dad if you like.” Clarke cringes, but Abby continues. “And yes, he will be there.”

Clarke falls back in her seat with a resigned sigh. She is thankful that Lexa will be there with her; she’s not sure she would be able to get through a day alone with her mother and her new boyfriend. Not when she still can’t forgive her mother for what she did.

_Clarke is 16 years old, and much more observant than her mother gives her credit for. Abby thinks that her daughter doesn’t notice her changes in behavior, but Clarke worries about the way her mother has become secretive and has been leaving the house for hours without telling anyone where she goes._

_“Being a doctor is a very demanding job, Clarke. It means I work long hours and sometimes have to be called in the middle of the night to go and save someone’s life. Maybe someday you’ll understand,” she hints with a smile._

_“But it was never like this before,” Clarke complains. “It was never this bad.”_

_Abby pats her daughter’s head with a slightly shaking hand and gives her a reassuring smile._

_“Don’t worry about a thing, sweetheart. Now I’m really sorry but I have to go,” she apologizes, grabbing her purse and heading towards the door._

_Clarke has noticed the way her mother holds on to her purse protectively and never lets anyone near it. She remembers the days when her mother would ask her to dig through her purse to find something for her. Now Clarke just has to look at the purse to make her mother tense and tighten her grip on it._

_Clarke watches her mother get into her car and drive away before joining her father in the living room. He is comfortably settled on the couch, watching a documentary about space. She sits down beside him with a huff. He pauses the documentary and turns towards his daughter, his worry looking foreign on his usually cheerful face._

_“Dad, I’m worried about mom.”_

_Jake sighs and turns to face his daughter completely._

_“Listen, kiddo, that’s not something that you need to worry about. Your mother and I are working on it, and you need to focus on your studies,” he explains, placing a reassuring hand on his daughter’s shoulder.  “How about you and I watch this documentary together?”_

_Clarke smiles and settles in next to her father._

_“What’s it about?”_

_“It’s about surviving in space for long periods of time. The issues of food and oxygen alone are major, but humans could technically spend their whole lives in space! That’s years away, of course.”_

_Clarke smiles; her father has always been fascinated with space and some of it has rubbed off on her. She grabs the remote and presses play, knowing that if she doesn’t, her father could go on about space for hours._

_They are halfway through the documentary when Jake’s cellphone rings, interrupting the awed silence in which they were watching the television. Clarke’s father pulls his cellphone out of his pocket and gets up quickly when he sees the phone number on the screen._

_“You keep watching, kiddo. I’ll be right back.”_

_Clarke is so entranced by the documentary that she barely notices her father leave. She looks up when he comes back a few minutes later, and pauses the television when she sees the worried look on his face._

_“What’s wrong dad?”_

_“Nothing’s wrong; I just need to go pick up your mother. I’ll be right back,” he promises. “Keep watching that,” he offers, pointing to the television. “And tell me all about it when I get back.”_

_Clarke nods and returns her attention to the documentary. She watches it until the end and sighs with amazement when it is over. Only when she looks at the clock does she realize how late it is. Worry starts gnawing at her insides when she starts counting how long her father has been gone; he should be back by now._

_She tries calling her father, but there is no answer. She tries to control her shaking hands as she dials her mother’s number, and sighs with relief when she hears her answer._

_“Mom! Is everything ok? Dad’s been gone for a while and I can’t reach him.”_

_“Clarke…”_

_Only then does Clarke notice the hoarseness in her mother’s voice. She feels panic start to rise in her chest._

_“Mom? What’s wrong?”_

_“I’m so sorry, Clarke.”_

Clarke looks up to find Lexa giving her a worried look. Clarke gives her a small smile, trying to convey that everything is fine, but she knows she is not convincing. They both look up as Abby stops the car in front of a typically suburban house. Clarke takes in a deep breath to calm herself. This should be an interesting day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With my classes starting up again soon, I'm not sure I will be able to keep my updates weekly. I will do my very best, though!
> 
> Come say hi: mrslexagriffin.tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know! I haven't updated in ages, and I'm really sorry. With classes starting again, I've been incredibly busy. So I will no longer be posting weekly updates, and instead be updating as often as I can.
> 
> WARNING: DEATH AND DRUG MENTIONS

_After a short taxi ride, Clarke is bursting through the front doors of the hospital. She is momentarily blinded by the glaring lights and the bright white reflection of every surface. She looks around wildly, searching for any sign of her father. Her mother had not wanted to tell her anything over the phone, and Clarke fears the worst, but she refuses to believe it. She wants to find her father alive, more than she has ever wanted anything before._

_She hears her mother’s voice from across the room._

_“Clarke!”_

_She spins around and finds her mother approaching her, her hair disheveled and makeup smeared. The sight of her mother in this state makes her stomach drop, but she swallows the lump in her throat and makes sure her voice is steady before she speaks._

_“Mom, where’s dad?”_

_Abby looks down and lets her shoulders slump. Clarke thinks she has never seen her mother look so defeated. She feels the panic rising in her chest as her fear worsens._

_“Where is he?”_

_Abby shakes her head and a single tear rolls down her cheek. Any doubt Clarke might have had is gone. Her mother takes her hand between her own and Clarke notices how cold they feel._

_“Clarke, I’m so sorry. He’s gone.”_

_“Let me see him.”_

_Abby hesitates, loosening her grip on Clarke’s hands._

_“Clarke, are you sure you want to see him like this?”_

_Clarke grits her teeth and steps forward._

_“Yes.”_

_“He was in a car accident, he won’t be-”_

_“I don’t care. I have to see him.”_

_Clarke and Abby are led through several long corridors. After a few turns, Clarke is certain that she won’t be able to find her way out of this maze alone. But she isn’t preoccupied with leaving at the moment; the only thing on her mind is her father. She_ can’t _believe that he is gone. She has to see it to believe it._

_After several more turns, Clarke is convinced that they are going in circles. They are eventually led into a small room where Clarke is finds her father, covered in a white sheet. She pulls it away, revealing the familiar face, but it is bruised and scratched and empty. Clarke can barely recognize her father without his smile. She quickly puts the sheet back in place, bile rising in her throat._

_Clarke rushes out of the room, ignoring her mother’s voice calling after her. She numbly tries to retrace her steps, but after a few turns, she realizes she is lost. She lets herself fall to the ground and brings her knees up to her chest. She blocks out her surroundings and cries._

_She doesn’t know how long it takes for her mother to find her; she seems to have lost the ability to keep track of time. As Abby crouches next to her, Clarke wipes away her tears and takes in the sight of her mother. She senses that something is not right, and looks closer, noticing that her mother’s pupils are dilated despite the bright light. Clarke pulls back, horrified._

_“Are you on something?”_

_Abby’s eyes flutter shut._

_“Clarke, that isn’t something that you need to worry about.”_

_“I think it is!” Clarke shouts, her grief slowly turning to anger. “Is this why dad had to pick you up? Because you were too fucked up to drive?”_

_Abby purses her lips, but doesn’t deny her daughter’s accusation. Clarke buries her head in her hands as she starts to rock herself back and forward._

_“This is your fault.”_

_She blocks out everything else, focusing on the one thing that she knows for certain._

_“Dad is dead and it’s your fault.”_

 

***

 

Clarke and Lexa walk hand in hand towards the house, glancing at each other nervously. Clarke eyes Abby and Kane’s new house with a raised eyebrow. The bungalow sits on a perfectly groomed lawn with strategically placed flowers and one single tree. Clarke rolls her eyes; this place couldn’t look any more suburban if it tried.

The two girls follow Abby inside and are immediately faced with Kane, smiling cheerfully. Abby embraces him and wraps an arm around his waist before turning towards the girls. Clarke’s stomach twists unpleasantly, as it does every time she sees Abby with someone who isn’t her father. She feels her hand being gently squeezed, and she gives Lexa a grateful smile.

Kane examines Lexa and gives Abby a questioning look. Abby hesitates for a moment before putting on a smile and gesturing to Lexa.

“Marcus, this is Lexa. She’s Clarke’s…”

When Abby pauses, Clarke jumps in. “Girlfriend. Lexa’s my girlfriend.”

Kane gives Lexa a polite nod, completely unfazed by the introduction.

“It’s nice to meet you Lexa. Why don’t we all go inside? We have lots of work to do!”

The four of them make their way into the living room, where they are met with several cans of paint. Clarke’s heart sinks at the sight of them, knowing that they will be painting all day. She desperately tries to think of an excuse to leave, but can’t think of anything that wouldn’t be incredibly obvious or rude.

Kane steps forward and starts opening a can of paint.

“Alright, ladies. As you can see, the color of the walls in this house are atrocious,” he states, motioning to the bright pink walls of the room they are standing in. “So we need to cover everything with a coat of primer before we get around to adding our own personal touch to the house.”

Abby gives him a smile, which he reciprocates easily. Clarke tries to stifle a disgusted groan as she grabs a paintbrush and a can of paint with one hand, and Lexa’s hand with the other.

“We’ll get started on the bedrooms.”

Lexa manages to snatch a paintbrush as Clarke drags her away to the nearest bedroom. Once they are inside, Clarke closes the door behind them and lets herself fall to the floor with a sigh. Lexa moves the can of paint a safe distance away before sitting next to Clarke. She can tell that something is wrong; she has never seen Clarke this distraught.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Clarke shakes her head and buries her face in her hands.

“It’s just so difficult, seeing my mother with someone who isn’t my father.”

Lexa places a comforting hand on Clarke’s shoulder. She doesn’t want to pry, but she gets the feeling that Clarke needs to talk about this.

“Did your parents part on bad terms?”

She can understand if that’s the case. Her parents got divorced when she was very young, but she can still remember hearing them arguing when they thought she was asleep. It was difficult for her when her parents started seeing other people, but she eventually got used to the idea.

Clarke doesn’t look up as she says the words that have been weighing her down; that she has only ever told the people closest to her. She hates the pity in people’s eyes when they find out, and she hates the way her voice shakes every time she says it.

“He’s dead.”

Lexa snaps her head up and drops her hand from Clarke’s shoulder. Out of all the possibilities, this was one she never could have imagined.

“I’m so sorry.”

When Lexa meets Clarke’s eyes, they are filled with tears.

“He’s dead because of her!”

Clarke balls her fists and continues, her voice cracking.

“A few years ago, my mother started stealing medicine from the hospital. It started off as little things, but then she started taking morphine and other restricted drugs. She would sell some and keep some for her own… personal use. She became secretive and she would leave for hours at a time without telling us where she was going. My father and I were both worried about her, but she always denied that anything was wrong. And although I didn’t figure out what was going on until later, I think my father had his suspicions. One night, my dad got a phone call from her and told me that he has to go pick her up. It turns out that she had shot herself up with god knows what and was too out of it to drive. On his way there, my father got hit by a driver who was high off the stuff my mother had sold him. It never got traced back to her, but I figured out most of it on my own, and she admitted to the rest when I confronted her.”

Clarke wipes away a tear from her cheek and lets out a long, shuddering breath.

“I still haven’t forgiven her. I’m not sure I ever can.”

Lexa wipes away the next tear that rolls down Clarke’s cheek and, without thinking, wraps her arms around her. All she can think about is how much she wants to comfort Clarke, and how much she wishes she could take the pain from her.

Clarke lets the fabric of Lexa’s shirt absorb her tears until her eyes are dry. She has never told anyone the details of her father’s death before, and she worries that Lexa will think that she is weak for still being affected by something that happened several years ago. But the memory is still fresh in her mind, and no matter how many times she replays that night in her head, the tears always come. She wishes she had tried to stop her father, that she had paid more attention to her mother. Maybe if she had figured out what was going on earlier, she could have prevented all this.

“It’s not your fault,” Lexa murmurs, as if she could read Clarke’s mind.

Clarke nods and disengages herself from Lexa’s arms.

“It’s my mother’s fault,” she answers bitterly.

Lexa brushes a strand of hair away from Clarke’s face and stands up slowly. She retrieves the can of paint and the paintbrushes with a rueful smile.

“Do you still want to do this or shall we find an excuse to leave?”

Clarke stands up and dusts off her pants as she accepts the paintbrush Lexa is handing her.

“No, let’s just get this over with.”

Lexa nods resolutely and dips her paintbrush in the paint before slowly applying it to the wall. Clarke starts painting the opposite wall, letting the repetitive movements numb her mind. Lexa keeps an eye on her from across the room, causing her painting to be messier than it usually is. She can’t find it in her to care.

They paint in silence for some time, until, without realizing it, Clarke starts to hum. Lexa smiles and joins in softly, occasionally harmonizing. They follow the wall they are painting, slowly making their way towards each other. Eventually, they find themselves painting the same wall. They smile as their paintbrushes meet and turn to look at their work. All the walls are outlined and they are ready to use the paint roller. Clarke turns towards Lexa and her grin fades as she is hit with the realization of how beautiful the girl standing in front of her is. Clarke reaches out to wipe away a smudge of paint from Lexa’s face, and she glances down at her lips.

The two girls freeze when they hear footsteps approaching the room. Clarke glances towards the closed door and steps closer to Lexa.

“Can I kiss you?” she asks softly.

Lexa nods, embarrassed by how quickly and eagerly she accepts. Clarke reaches forward and cups Lexa’s cheek before stepping closer to her and bringing their lips together. As their lips slide tentatively against each other, Clarke laces her hands behind Lexa’s neck, bringing her closer. Lexa’s hands slide from Clarke’s hair down to her waist and she leans into Clarke’s body, enjoying the warmth of it.

Clarke has just introduced tongue to the equation when the approaching footsteps reach the door, which swings open to reveal Abby, shock written all over her face. She recovers and clears her throat when the two girls don’t pull apart. Lexa feels her cheeks heat up as Clarke pulls away from her and gives her mother an annoyed look. Lexa slowly starts putting the pieces together and realizes that Clarke only wanted to kiss her in order for them to be walked in on. Her heart sinks at the realization that this is still an act for Clarke. Abby raises an eyebrow at Lexa’s hands, which still haven’t left Clarke’s waist.

“We’re ordering pizza for lunch. What would you girls like?”

Lexa removes her hands from Clarke, noticing that it is making Abby uncomfortable. She tucks her hands in her pockets and looks at the blonde, who shrugs.

“I usually go for pepperoni. What do you want, Lexa?”

“I don’t mind. I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

Abby nods and leaves swiftly, closing the door behind her. Clarke turns towards Lexa with a knowing grin. Lexa doesn’t want to have to acknowledge the kiss, and instead looks around the room.

“I think we can get started with the paint roller.”

The two of them have just finished painting the room with the coat of primer when the food arrives. Abby calls to them from across the closed door, not daring to barge in on them again. Clarke turns towards Lexa with a pout.

“Do we have to go and eat with them?”

“Are you not hungry?” Lexa asks, with a frown.

“I’m starving!”

Lexa grins and takes Clarke’s hand.

“Come on, it will be fine.”

They join Abby and Kane, who are sitting on the floor next to the boxes of pizza. Clarke slumps on the ground and grabs herself a slice. Lexa sits down carefully next to her, crossing her legs before taking a slice. She usually eats her pizza with a knife and fork, but she can make an exception just this once. If they haven’t moved the furniture in yet, she doubts they would have plates or utensils.

Abby wipes away some tomato sauce from Kane’s face before he turns towards the two girls with a smile.

“So, how did you meet?”

Lexa turns towards Clarke, to see if she wants to answer, but finds the blonde with her mouth full and unable to answer. Lexa answers Kane with a smile.

“We met through mutual friends. I train with Lincoln, Octavia’s boyfriend.”

Clarke finishes her mouthful and continues:

“Octavia considers herself a great matchmaker. And I guess she lived up to her reputation… She set us up, and look at us now!”

Abby smiles as she finishes her slice.

“And how long ago was this?”

“3 months,” Clarke and Lexa supply at the same time. They smile at each other before turning back to Abby, whose smile seems more sincere now.

“This is great. Clarke, I think it’s really good for you to have something outside of your classes. You always focus so much on your work and I worry about you. I’m happy you have someone to help you take your mind off all that. And I guess I always thought it would be a boyfriend,” she starts, glancing sideways at Kane, who is giving her a warning look. “But a girlfriend is great too.”

Clarke gives her mother a disbelieving look before handing her slice of pizza to Lexa in order to reach over to Abby and give her a hug. Abby reciprocates the hug and closes her eyes as her daughter wraps her arms around her. She smiles at Clarke as she returns to her spot and retrieves her slice from Lexa.

The rest of the day goes by surprisingly smoothly. Once all the walls have been covered with a coat of primer, the four of them start applying the colors Abby and Kane have chosen. At the end of the day, they stand in the living room, eyeing their work proudly. Abby wipes the sweat from her forehead and turns towards Clarke and Lexa with a smile.

“This place is looking great! Thank you so much for helping us out.”

“It does look a lot better than it did,” Clarke agrees. “But that’s not difficult, it looked terrible before,” she teases.

As the four of them laugh, Clarke is overwhelmed with the thought that, although her father can never be replaced, maybe the thought of having a new family is not so bad after all.

 

***

 

The car ride on the way back is a lot less awkward. Abby drops them off after making Clarke promise that she and Lexa will visit them again soon. Clarke and Lexa wave as she drives off and make their way to Clarke’s apartment once she is out of sight. Clarke is relieved to see that Octavia and Raven appear to be gone, which saves her the embarrassment of their comments and questions. She leads Lexa to her room and hands her the small pile of clothes Lexa had left there earlier that day.

“Here are your clothes. Told you that you wouldn’t want to wear them,” she adds with a grin, pointing to Lexa’s paint-stained clothes.

Lexa’s smile fades when she looks down at the clothes she is wearing.

“I’m so sorry for getting your clothes so dirty! I’ll pay for the dry-cleaning if you want. I hope they aren’t ruined-”

“Hey,” Clarke gently interrupts. “These are old clothes; I knew they would get dirty. It’s fine, really.”

Lexa nods and her smile slowly returns as she accepts her clothes.

“I’ll go get changed.”

When she hears the bathroom door close, Clarke flings herself onto her bed with a sigh. She thought that spending the day with Lexa would make it easier for her to sort through her feelings, but she is feeling as confused as ever. She knows that she likes Lexa. A lot. And she knows that she really enjoys pretending to be her girlfriend. But she doesn’t know how Lexa feels, and that is what makes things difficult.

_I could just ask her_ , she thinks. She scoffs at her own idea. _Yeah, right_. She is still trying to think of a solution when Lexa comes out of the bathroom, dressed in her own clothes again.

“I guess I should get going.”

Clarke gets up from her bed and walks Lexa to the door. Lexa opens it and steps outside before turning to look at Clarke.

“Today was fun,” she comments.

“Maybe we could do it again, when we move in together. I mean, we’ve been together for three years. Or months, you know. Depends on the story,” she jokes.

“Right,” Lexa answers with a smile.

There is a pause, and Lexa hesitates before turning around slowly to leave. Clarke’s heart races as she realizes that this is her chance. She reaches out to grab Lexa’s wrist, but pulls her hand back at the last second. She curses herself as she watches Lexa walk away.

She grudgingly makes her way back to her room and pulls out her phone.

**O**

So she really didn’t make a move?

**O**

Because I can totally kick her ass for  
you if you want.

**O**

Oh my god did you want her to make  
a move?

**O**

You need to get your act together.

 

Clarke scrolls through the messages with a grin. She types out her reply with a resigned sigh.

**Clark Kent**

You’re right.

**Clark Kent**

I’m screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi: mrslexagriffin.tumblr.com


	7. Chapter 7

**Clark Kent**

I’m screwed.

**O**

I’ll be there in 5.

 

Clarke grins at her phone. She knows that nothing she says will stop her friend from coming to her rescue. And Clarke knows this will involve a whole interrogation with demands for details and reenactments. And no matter how much she protests, she does enjoy knowing that her friend cares about her. And, although Clarke hates to admit it, Octavia gives good advice, most of the time.

While she waits for Octavia to arrive, Clarke replays the day’s events in her head. She thinks back to her breakdown, when she told Lexa about her father. She recalls the look in Lexa’s eyes; there was sympathy and understanding, but not pity as she had feared. She doesn’t know why she felt the urge to tell Lexa things she had never told anyone before, but she is glad she did. And she is glad she had Lexa by her side for the day. Not only to help her mother accept her bisexuality, but also because her presence was comforting.

Her mind returns to the kiss she shared with Lexa, and she feels her cheeks heat up at the memory. She is grateful to have had an excuse to kiss her, and she has to admit that the look on her mother’s face was priceless. But, although it may have seemed like she kissed Lexa to reinforce their act, she would be lying to herself if she said that she hadn’t wanted to do it. She had wanted to feel Lexa’s lips on hers once more. She had wanted another taste of paradise.

Clarke licks her lips, and she would swear that she can still taste Lexa there. She is interrupted from her reverie when the front door slams open. Octavia storms in, drops all her things by the door and drags Clarke from her bedroom. She leads her into the living room before pushing her onto the sofa, and falling onto it next to her. She turns towards Clarke with a sly smile.

“I want you to tell me  _everything_.”

Clarke opens her mouth to speak, but Octavia shushes her by pressing a finger to her lips.

“Raven is going to be here in approximately 2 minutes. We’ll just wait ‘till she gets here so you don’t have to repeat yourself.”

The two of them wait in silence, Clarke squirming under her friend’s unrelenting stare and knowing smile. She sighs with relief when Raven shows up shortly after, as promised. Raven looks at the pile of Octavia’s things by the door with a smirk. She starts slowly putting her own things away as Octavia taps her foot impatiently.

“Come on, Rayray! Move it!”

Raven grins mischievously as she takes off her shoes at a glacial pace, enjoying the look of impatience on Octavia’s face. This is her revenge for being called Rayray. She hates being called Rayray.

When all her things are finally where they belong, Raven sits down on the couch next to Octavia. Clarke rolls her eyes at her expectant look and starts telling her friends what they want to know.

“So I really like Lexa.”

“Great!” Octavia squeals.

Raven covers Octavia’s mouth with her hand, muffling Octavia’s shriek. “There’s a  _but_ , isn’t there?”

“Well,” Clarke starts, “I don’t know if she likes me back... I mean we’ve been pretending to be a couple, so I can’t really look for clues. But  _man_  she’s good at pretending.”

Raven rolls her eyes. “This is off to a good start. I’m going to go ahead and guess that she isn’t good at pretending at all.”

Clarke frowns. “No, she’s a good actress. Sells the whole act really well-”

“What Raven is trying to say,” Octavia interrupts, “is that it’s  _not_  acting. Have you considered the possibility that she does, in fact, like you?”

Clarke’s frown deepens. “Well… no. But-”

“Ok great, it’s settled,” Raven announces. “She likes you. Now date her.”

“Wait!” Octavia protests. “We can’t know for sure until we know how she acts when it’s just the two of you.” “Alone,” she adds with an exaggerated eye waggle.

Clarke thinks back to the time she has spent alone with Lexa.

“Well she came back here earlier after we were done painting.”

“And?” Octavia encourages.

“I mean, we didn’t say much. I made a terrible joke.” Clarke pauses and buries her face in her hands. “Oh man it was a really bad joke.”

“Did she laugh?” Raven asks hopefully.

“Not really.”

Both Octavia and Raven look disappointed. If Lexa liked her, she probably would have laughed at her bad joke. Octavia doesn’t let that dissuade her.

“And then?”

“And then she left.”

“Tell us the details,” Raven orders.

“Well I walked her to the door, I made my terrible joke and she left.”

“Did she hesitate?” Octavia prompts.

“What?”

“Did she hesitate? Like, did she fiddle with her keys, not leave immediately…”

Clarke takes a moment to think back to their parting. She does remember a slight hesitation, although she might have imagined it.

“I guess.”

Both Octavia and raven jump up from the couch and high-five each other. Clarke looks at them quizzically.

“Guys, what is this about?”

“You’re a total idiot!” Octavia exclaims with a grin plastered across her face.

“Well I obviously am, because I really don’t follow.”

“Have you never watched a romantic movie in your life?” Octavia asks exasperatedly. “When the girl hesitates at the door, that’s the cue for the guy… or girl,” she adds motioning to Clarke, “to kiss her! She wanted you to kiss her!”

Clarke thinks back to the moment, and remembers how she had almost reached out to stop Lexa, to kiss her. Had that been what she had wanted? Is it possible that she feels the same way? Clarke turns towards her friends, smiling hopefully.

“Really?”

“No wonder you’re still single,” Raven comments. “You’re really terrible at this whole dating thing. Reading people is not your forte, princess.”

Clarke grimaces at the nickname, but her smile quickly returns as hope starts budding in her chest.

“I have to talk to her!” she exclaims, bolting upright.

Octavia gently restrains her friend.  “Woah, tiger. Don’t you know about the 3-day rule?”

“Fuck the 3-day rule! I have to talk to her now!”

Clarke grabs her car keys and rushes out the door. Raven and Octavia watch her leave, grinning proudly at each other.

“50 bucks says she’s getting laid tonight,” Octavia wagers.

“You’re on.”

 

***

 

When Lexa returns from Clarke’s apartment, the first thing she does is pull out her phone and dial the only number she knows by heart, other than her own.

“ _Hello?”_

Lexa sighs with relief when she hears the familiar voice on the other end of the line.

“I need to talk to you, can you come over?”

_“I’ll be right there.”_

Lexa settles down in an armchair, and tries not to think of Clarke. She fails miserably, and all she can think of is how beautiful Clarke looked when she woke up by her side, and how much she wishes she could wake up next to her every morning. She knows she can’t help her feelings, but she wishes she had better control over them. She has always believed that love is weakness, but now she thinks that unrequited love is worse.

There is a knock on the door a few minutes later. Lexa is, not for the first time, relieved that her friend lives close by. She opens the door with a tight smile, knowing that the knocking was only a formality. She gave Anya a key years ago.

Anya walks in and strides right past Lexa, making her way to the couch. She does not give Lexa a hug; the comfort she offers is not physical, and Lexa knows it. When she calls Anya, she expects to talk things through with her. She expects to be guided, advised, and sometimes scolded.

Anya sits down on the hard leather couch and props her feet up onto the table in front of her.

“You’re an idiot, Lexa.”

Lexa sighs. It appears that this time, she is being scolded.

“How much did Lincoln tell you?”

“He told me that he found you a date for your high school reunion. And judging by your phone call, you have fallen in love with said date. Therefore, you are an idiot.”

Lexa can’t help but smile, despite the reprimands. Anya knows her so well.

“I plead guilty,” Lexa admits, raising her arms in surrender. “Now please tell me what to do.”

Anya pats the couch next to her, and Lexa moves to sit next to her. Seeing Lexa eyeing her feet, Anya rolls her eyes and slides them off the table, placing them firmly on the floor.

“You have two options,” she explains, raising two fingers to emphasize her point. “Number one, you cut all contact with her and try to forget about her. I’ll emphasize the  _try_. I know how that went with Costia. Number two,” she continues, “you go for it.”

Lexa sighs and leans back onto the couch.

“Well I already tried the first one,” she admits.

Anya tries to suppress her grin.

“Well I guess that leaves you with just one option.”

Lexa nods, slowly feeling her resolve strengthen.

“I have to see her,” she states coolly as she stands up.

Anya raises an eyebrow.

“Alright. Just know that I don’t condone this whole love thing.”

Lexa spins around and traps Anya into a hug.

“You’re the best!”

It’s an awkward hug, with Lexa standing and bending over to latch on to Anya, who is still seated. Anya stiffens, surprised by the contact. She slowly relaxes into the hug without, however, reciprocating. Lexa ends the hug just as quickly as she initiated it. She rushes to the door and grabs her car keys.

“Lock up when you leave,” she calls over her shoulder as she practically runs out the door.

Lexa gets in her car and heads towards Clarke’s apartment. The drive seems much longer than it had in the other direction. She feels a mixture of apprehension and excitement as she drives. This could lead to disappointment or bliss. Whatever happens, she knows that she will at least have tried. She refuses to regret this decision.

When Lexa finally reaches her destination, her heartrate picks up. She feels her mouth go dry as she looks at the building. Her feet take her to the front door of their own accord. She feels it towering over her, like an obstacle she has to overcome.

She refuses to let fear hold her back anymore.

She knocks on the door.

“Back already? I thought-”

Octavia stops short when she sees that the person standing in front of the door is, in fact, not Clarke. Her surprise turns to disbelief as she recognizes the girl standing in front of her.

“Ray?” she calls, her eyes never leaving Lexa.

Raven emerges from her bedroom, her look of annoyance quickly dissipating when she sees the girl standing outside their door.

“Lexa?” she asks, trying to make sense of the situation.

Lexa nods and Raven tilts her head to the side.

“Did you talk to Clarke?”

Lexa takes a step back, equally as confused as the two girls staring at her.

“Not since I left earlier. What is going on?”

Both Raven and Octavia let out sighs of relief as understanding floods them.

“You didn’t talk to her,” Octavia repeats, grinning.

“Oh my god, you two are idiots!” Raven sighs. “She went looking for _you_.”

Lexa furrows her brows. Why would Clarke have gone looking for her? They had just spent the whole day together. Surely she could have nothing more to say to her.

Octavia pulls out her phone and brings it to her ear with a grin. She sighs with relief when Clarke answers her a few moments later.

“Clarke! You idiot, where are you?”

 

***

 

Clarke leaves her two friends behind and jumps into her car. She knows that their judgement is by no means infallible, but she knows that there is a chance that Lexa likes her back. And that is enough to make her take the plunge to find out for sure. She has to talk to Lexa immediately, and she has to tell her how she feels.

She makes it to Lexa’s apartment in record time and in high spirits. She marches to her door and knocks on it confidently.  _This is my chance,_ she tells herself.  _I can do this_.

Her internal monologue is cut short when the door opens and she is greeted by an unfamiliar face. Clarke’s first thought is that this girl has killer cheekbones. Her second thought is that she looks like she could kill her without a second thought.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke babbles. “I must have the wrong door,” she explains, frantically searching for where she went wrong.

“You’re looking for Lexa.”

Clarke isn’t sure if that was a question, but she nods just in case.

“Do you know where she is?” Clarke asks, trying to hide the hopefulness in her voice.

“She left,” Anya declares. “To find you.”

At that moment, the phone in Clarke’s pocket starts to blast a One Direction song. Clarke curses her friends for their choice of ringtone as she sees the contempt in Anya’s eyes.

“That’s my phone,” she explains, scrambling to pick it up. “Hello?”

_“Clarke! You idiot, where are you?”_

“Octavia? I’m uh… At Lexa’s place.”

_“What are you doing there by yourself? Lexa is here, you doofus.”_

Clarke gives Anya a sideways glance.

“I’m uh… not exactly alone.”

Clarke hears a muffled conversation on the other end of the line. She thinks she can hear Lexa talking urgently, but she can’t make out what she is saying. After a few exchanges, Clarke hears Octavia speaking to her again.

_“Lexa says she is on her way. She also says don’t listen to anything Anya says.”_

Clarke nods slowly and, realizing that Octavia can’t see her, speaks up.

“Great, thanks O.”

Clarke hangs up and slips her phone in her pocket. She turns to look at Anya, who is rummaging through Lexa’s cupboards, ultimately helping herself to a bag of chips. Clarke wonders how well she knows Lexa, considering that she was alone in her apartment, and that she is helping herself to her food. Clarke tries to ignore the jealousy she feels spreading throughout her, and puts on a smile.

“Lexa’s on her way,” she announces.

Anya barely acknowledges Clarke’s words as she makes her way towards the sofa. She makes herself comfortable on the couch, propping her feet up on the table. Clarke stands awkwardly in the living room, unsure of how to interact with this girl.

“I guess I should introduce myself. Hi, I’m Clarke,” she offers, extending her hand. She quickly changes her mind and slips her hand back into her pocket. If Anya notices, she doesn’t let it show.

“Anya,” she provides.

A long silence follows. Anya eats the chips loudly, looking completely unperturbed by Clarke’s presence. Clarke, for her part, shifts her weight from foot to foot awkwardly. She desperately tries to think of something to say.

“Why did Lexa tell me not to listen to anything you say?” Clarke finally asks, unable to stand the silence.

Anya’s smile betrays her amusement, and Clarke is surprised by how nice she seems with a pleasant expression on her face. Anya takes another mouthful of chips before she answers.

“Because I always tell the truth. Maybe she’s afraid I’ll tell you something she doesn’t want you to know,” she answers with a smirk.

Clarke finally gathers the courage to sit next to Anya. She turns to her with a shy smile.

“Maybe you could tell me an embarrassing childhood story of hers or something. I mean, I don’t know how long you’ve known each other. Maybe just an embarrassing story I can bribe her with.”

Anya offers Clarke the bag of chips and Clarke accepts, honored. Anya settles back into the couch, deciding on which story to tell.

“When Lexa started kindergarten, she was all small fists and chubby cheeks. She would never sit still, and she would never take orders from anyone. Her classmates were a little scared of her, but they respected her at the same time. So when she told everyone they were going on a hunt during recess, they all played along. She smeared black marker on her face, calling it war paint, and encouraged everyone else to do the same. She ordered everyone to grab a weapon, taking a coat hanger as hers. She led everyone outside, and pointed out their target. She made a long speech about not letting the squirrel terrorize them any longer, and ordered everyone to charge. The squirrel ran up a tree, but, naturally, that didn’t stop Lexa. She climbed right up after it, but she couldn’t hold onto the coat hanger and the branch. She fell out of the tree and broke her arm. When I found her in the hospital, her black marker had leaked all over her face because of her tears. She refused to admit that she had cried, though. She was too proud, even then.”

Clarke giggles and, at that moment, the front door opens. The two girls turn to find Lexa standing in the doorway, eyeing them suspiciously.

“Anya. Clarke.” she greets.

“Lexa,” Anya answers, making her way to the door.

Clarke, for her part, offers a small wave.

Lexa lowers her voice to a whisper when Anya reaches her.

“What did you tell her?” she asks urgently.

“Oh, nothing much,” Anya answers, not bothering to lower her voice. “I was just telling Clarke here the story of how you broke your arm.”

“Which time?” Lexa asks menacingly.

Anya doesn’t try to hide the smile that is spreading on her face.

“The time in kindergarten.”

Lexa turns towards Clarke urgently. “I’ll have you know that I was very young and stupid. I broke my arm one other time, and it was while I was practicing martial arts. It was much more spectacular.”

Clarke grins at Lexa’s pout. “I think the story was really cute.”

Lexa stops in her tracks, feeling a blush spread across her cheeks.

“You do?”

Clarke nods shyly as Anya rolls her eyes.

“I’ll give you kids some privacy,” she groans, exciting gracefully.

The two of them watch Anya leave, and Lexa has time to put on her impassive face before coolly turning towards Clarke. Her courage fails her, and her love declaration stays stuck in her throat. She takes a deep breath, and reverts to her indifferent politeness.

“Why are you here, Clarke?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi: mrslexagriffin.tumblr.com


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for leaving you guys hanging! (Haha, get it? Because it was a cliffhanger... Anyways.) I've been really busy with exams, but don't worry, I haven't forgotten about this story!

“Why are you here, Clarke?”

Clarke is taken aback by Lexa’s formality. She gives her a questioning look, trying to understand what has caused this sudden change. She thought they had gotten past the initial awkwardness and politeness, and her resolve begins to weaken as doubt seeps in. She hears her friends in the back of her mind, urging her to make her move.

“I’m really hoping it was the same reason you came back to see me.” She pauses and gives Lexa a hopeful look. “Otherwise this might get awkward.”

When Lexa’s demeanor doesn’t change, Clarke starts to doubt herself. She begins to wonder if she should follow her friends’ advice; they have been wrong before. She weighs the pros and cons of telling Lexa how she feels, and starts to feel that the risk might not be worth it. If Lexa does not reciprocate her feelings, as Clarke deduces from her behavior, she could be ruining a great friendship. She would also like to avoid the embarrassment of being rejected, as she grows more and more certain that this will end in heartbreak.

“You know what, I think I should go. I’m sorry for disturbing you.”

As she turns to leave, she catches Lexa’s eye and is surprised by what she sees. For a fraction of a second, Lexa lets her guard down, just long enough for Clarke to see a flash of fear in her eyes. She pauses mid-step as she slowly puts the pieces together.

It occurs to her that it is possible that her friends were right, and that Lexa does like her. Clarke has seen first-hand how formal Lexa becomes when she is nervous or scared.  She slowly turns back towards the brunette as she realizes that her politeness might hide something more. It’s a possibility that she can’t ignore, and she feels a flicker of hope as her courage returns.

“Ok, so here’s the thing,” she starts slowly, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. “I like you. I think that you’re great and intelligent and beautiful. I really love spending time with you, and when we pretend that we’re a couple, I find myself wishing that we were actually dating.”

Clarke holds her breath as she watches for Lexa’s response. When Lexa doesn’t react immediately, Clarke backtracks.

“Hey, if you don’t feel the same way, it’s fine. We can still be-”

She is interrupted by Lexa’s lips pressing against her own. After her initial surprise, Clarke relaxes into the kiss and winds her hands into Lexa’s hair, pulling her closer. The kiss is slow and tender, as they both try to express how they feel through the kiss. And although it is not the first time they have kissed, it feels like their first. Because this time it is real, and this time it is for their own benefit, and not anyone else’s. Clarke knows she’s in trouble when the butterflies erupt in her stomach and her heart swells with emotion.

Clarke brushes her nose against Lexa’s as she leans in to deepen the kiss, but Lexa pulls away. Clarke immediately releases her with a concerned look, wondering what she did wrong. Lexa shakes her head and looks down.

“I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have cut you off like that.”

Clarke grins and leans in, lowering her voice suggestively.

“From now on, if you want to shut me up, that’s the only method I’ll accept.”

Lexa smiles as Clarke leans in closer, licking her lips. The blonde stops her advance when her mouth inches from Lexa’s, giving her the option to pull away if she wants to. Instead, Lexa closes the gap between them, feeling Clarke’s smile against their lips once again. Their second kiss is brief, and they pull away smiling, leaning their foreheads against each other. Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa and pulls her into a hug, burying her face in the crook of her neck. Lexa shivers slightly at the touch, and sighs with contentment as she pulls Clarke closer.

They lose track of how long they stand there, finding comfort in each other’s arms. Clarke is the first to move. She places a kiss on Lexa’s neck before pulling away reluctantly.

“It’s getting late,” she says regretfully, “and I’m really tired after painting all day.”

Lexa sighs and nods. She is also feeling drained from the exertion and emotions of the day. She hesitates before taking Clarke’s hand in her own and giving her a shy smile.

“Why don’t you stay here for tonight?”

Clarke grins and gives Lexa a wink. “Not even going to take me out on a date first?”

Lexa turns beet red and drops Clarke’s hand like it has burned her.

“I never meant to imply… I can sleep on the couch if you-”

“It’s fine,” Clarke reassures, taking Lexa’s hand. “I was just joking.”

Lexa visibly relaxes and leads Clarke to her room. She opens the bottom drawer of her chest of drawers and motions to the contents.

“You can pick what you want to wear. I’ll go get changed in the bathroom,” she announces, grabbing her own clothes and leaving Clarke alone in her room.

Clarke digs through the drawer, noticing that the clothes smell unmistakably of Lexa. She chooses an oversized t-shirt and shorts, pulling them on quickly.  Once she is dressed, Clarke takes the time to look around the room. This is the first time she sees Lexa’s bedroom, and it looks exactly as she would have imagined it. It is neat, organized and modern. Small lights hang over the bed, giving the room a warm glow, and pictures hang on the walls, giving it a personal touch.

Clarke examines a picture of a girl with her arm slung over a young Lexa, both girls smiling brightly at the camera. They both look so happy and carefree that Clarke can’t help but smile.

“That’s Anya. You met her earlier.”

Lexa’s voice makes Clarke jump. She turns around, ready to apologize for intruding on her privacy, but her voice gets caught in her throat at the sight of Lexa in a tank top and boxers.

“We grew up together; she’s like a sister to me,” Lexa explains.

Clarke nods in understanding; she feels the same way about Raven and Octavia. They have been friends since they were children, and their bond has only grown stronger through the years. Clarke moves towards the bed, but stops when she sees Lexa still standing in the doorway. Lexa wraps her arms around herself and takes a step back.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather I slept on the couch?”

Clarke takes a step towards Lexa, completely serious.

“Only if that’s what you want,” she says softly. “Is that what you want?”

Lexa gives her a small smile and shakes her head. Clarke grins back at her.

“Well come here, then!” she orders, climbing into Lexa’s bed and pulling the cover to make room for her.

Lexa smiles as she thinks of how Clarke has made herself at home in her apartment. She likes how natural it feels to have her here with her, without pretense. She crawls into bed, enjoying how warm it already feels with Clarke there next to her. She reaches over to turn off the lights and places a kiss on the edge of the blonde’s mouth before lying down and pulling the blankets up to cover them. She turns to face away from Clarke and immediately feels an arm snaking around her waist and hears a husky voice in her ear.

“Is this ok?”

Lexa nods and shifts her body until her back is pressed against Clarke before closing her eyes. She feels Clarke sigh in her hair, and smiles as she feels her tiredness take over. Within minutes, they are both asleep with content smiles on their faces.

 

***

 

In the morning, Lexa keeps her eyes closed as she slowly wakes up. Her lips curve up into a soft smile as she remembers the events of the previous night. She sighs contentedly as she reaches over towards Clarke. Her eyes shoot open as her hand finds the bed empty next to her. She bolts upright, fear quickly replacing her confusion.

Did she imagine the whole thing? Did Clarke change her mind and leave in order to spare her the embarrassment? The possibilities race through Lexa’s mind and she feels her heart sink. She lets herself fall back onto her bed as she scolds herself for having gotten so invested in Clarke. She had known this was a bad idea from the start; she should have stopped this whole thing while she had a chance.

Just as Lexa’s eyes start to fill with tears, she hears a loud noise coming from the kitchen. Her first thought is that someone has broken into her apartment. Adrenaline courses through her veins as she tries to think of a weapon she could use against the intruder. If all else fails, she tells herself her skills in martial arts should be enough to take down the thief. As she pulls off her covers and moves to get out of bed, she notices the smell of coffee in the air. She pauses as she sniffs the air curiously, trying to make sense of the situation.

“Good morning.”

The voice coming from the doorway makes Lexa jump. She turns towards it and relief floods through her at the sight of Clarke standing in the doorway, a mug of coffee in each hand. Lexa watches in awe as she makes her way towards her. She can’t believe how beautiful Clarke looks with her mussed hair and sleepy eyes. She also can’t believe that she stayed, but the smile Clarke gives her erases any doubt Lexa might have had about the blonde’s feelings for her.

“I made coffee,” Clarke explains, handing her a mug. “And breakfast is on its way.”

Lexa accepts the mug with a nod and raises her eyebrows in surprise when she sees that the coffee is black.

“You remembered?”

“Of course,” Clarke answers with a blush.

Lexa doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable, so she gives her a small smile before changing the subject.

“You said something about breakfast?”

“Don’t get your hopes up,” Clarke retorts with a grin before leaving the room. She comes back a few minutes later with a small plate in each hand. Lexa takes the plate Clarke hands her and smiles when she sees its contents.

“It’s perfect, Clarke.”

Clarke smiles back at her and takes a sip from her mug, sighing with contentment. Unlike Lexa, she had to add heaps of milk and sugar to make her coffee drinkable.

“I’m surprised you even have Pop-Tarts in your pantry,” she confesses.

“Anya,” Lexa explains. “She likes to steal my food, and gets angry at me if there’s nothing _good_.”

Clarke bites into her Pop-Tart with a smile; she has seen Anya stealing Lexa’s food first-hand. It reminds her of the way Octavia likes to steal her leftovers.

“Octavia also likes to steal my food. One time I had a slice of cake in the fridge that I knew for a fact she would steal. I put a bunch of salt on it to teach her a lesson, but I forgot about it and ended up eating the cake myself. I’m never going to hear the end of that one.”

Lexa almost spits out her coffee as she erupts into a fit of laughter.  Clarke grins as she thinks of how natural it feels, waking up next to Lexa and having breakfast in bed with her. They finish their Pop-Tarts in silence, both of them enjoying the peacefulness that comes from a comfortable silence. 

When the plates and mugs are empty, Clarke gets up from the bed regretfully.

“Thank you for letting me stay over, but I should probably get going.”

Lexa pouts, but nods her understanding as Clarke goes to get dressed. When she returns, Lexa still hasn’t moved from the bed. She bats her eyelashes and smiles bashfully.

“Are you going to leave without giving me a kiss?”

Clarke chuckles and crawls over the bed and on top of Lexa, trapping her underneath her body. She lowers her head painfully slowly before finally reaching her lips and kissing her. She feels herself heat up at Lexa’s touch, and it takes all of her self-control to pull away and calmly disengage herself from the brunette.

“Bye,” she croaks, making her way out of the apartment.

Lexa doesn’t move from her bed, still too shaken by the kiss as she wonders if Clarke will ever stop having that effect on her. She sighs and rolls over as she buries her face in her pillow, grinning like a love-struck teenager.

 

***

 

Clarke tries to be quiet when she gets back to her apartment. She is hoping that, despite the late hour, Raven and Octavia might still be asleep. That way, she could slip into her room unnoticed and they would never know that she spent the night at Lexa’s place. She knows how they get about her relationships, and she knows that if they are awake, she will have to cooperate with their interrogation.

She slowly turns her key in the door and tiptoes inside. She cringes when she sees Raven and Octavia sitting on the couch, watching her attentively. As soon as the door is closed behind Clarke, Raven reaches into her pocket, counts out 50 dollars and hands them reluctantly to Octavia.

Clarke sighs and rolls her eyes.

“What did you guys bet on?”

Octavia pockets the money and grins.

“On you getting laid.”

“Well I’m sorry to break it to you O, but you need to give Raven her money back.”

Octavia’s smile drops and Raven contorts her face.

“Should I be happy about having my money back, or disappointed because you didn’t get laid?”

Octavia gets up from the couch and strides towards Clarke.

“But you slept over!” she exclaims, gesturing wildly.

Raven gets up to join them and Clarke sighs.

“Yes I did. I followed your advice and told her how I feel. I almost backed out,” she adds, as her friends give her horrified looks, “but I did it, and it went great. You were right; she feels the same way!”

“Great!” Octavia exclaims. “So explain why you didn’t get laid!”

Clarke doesn’t understand why her friends are so bent on her sleeping with Lexa. She in no way feels like the night was not a success because they didn’t sleep together. On the contrary, she wouldn’t have wanted it to go any other way.

“We’re just not there yet. I really care about her, and I want us to take our time.”

“But you slept over,” Raven clarifies.

“Yes. It was getting late and we were tired, so she suggested I stay over.”

Octavia raises an eyebrow.

“Where did you sleep?”

Clarke blushes and looks down. She knows how her friends will react to her answer.

“In her bed,” she mumbles.

Octavia and Raven’s jaws drop as they exchange an incredulous look. Raven turns towards Clarke and puts an arm on her shoulder.

“And you didn’t get… handsy?”

“Not really. We just cuddled.”

Octavia places her arm on Clarke’s other shoulder.

“You guys are adorable.”

Clarke smiles as she thinks back to the simplicity and easiness of the previous night. The cuddling fulfilled a need that she hadn’t even known she had. And she thinks that kissing Lexa is more than enough for her for the time being.

Raven and Octavia notice the pink tinge of Clarke’s cheeks as the blonde thinks back to the kisses she shared with Lexa. Octavia nudges Raven and grins at Clarke.

“Do tell,” she encourages.

“We kissed a few times,” Clarke admits.

Octavia squeals as she pulls her money out of her pocket and hands it back to Raven.

“I don’t even care about our stupid bet anymore! Clarke, give us a hug!”

She opens her arms wide, and embraces Clarke, pulling Raven in to join them as she does. The three of them hug briefly before Clarke pulls away.

“Thank you, guys. I really mean it; you gave me the little push I needed. When I was about to back out, I could hear your voices in the back of my head telling me to get over myself and do it.”

Raven grins and nudges Clarke.

“You know you need to take her on a date now, right?”

Clarke deflates.

“I know, but I have no idea what to do. I don’t just want to take her out to dinner and a movie; I want to do something special!”

“We’ll help you figure out something great,” Octavia promises.

 

***

 

After Clarke leaves, Lexa takes some time to recover.  The last kiss Clarke gave her left her feeling overwhelmed. She pinches herself to make sure she didn’t imagine the whole thing, then reaches for her phone. She dials the familiar number and brings her phone up to her ear.

_“Hi Lexa.”_

“Anya,” she answers with a smile.

“Is there a reason that you’re calling, or did you just want to hear my soothing, yet sultry voice?”

“I want to talk to you about Clarke.”

Lexa hears Anya sigh.

_“Is it good or bad?”_

“I wasn’t able to tell her how I feel. I know, I know,” she continues, anticipating Anya’s response, “I’m a complete coward. Luckily, Clarke is more courageous than I am and she made the first move. She left a few minutes ago and I-”

_“Stop right there,”_ Anya orders.

“What?”

_“She just left? She spent the night?”_ she asks approvingly.

“Oh,” Lexa gasps, realizing what conclusion Anya came to. “Well yes she stayed over because it was late, and we were tired. But we didn’t-”

_“That’s ok,”_ Anya interrupts. _“I don’t need to know the details.”_

 There is a pause before Anya speaks again.

_“Are you happy?”_

“Yes,” Lexa answers without hesitation.

_“Good. Now I’ll have to give her my whole ‘you hurt her I kill you’ speech.”_

“Thank you.”

_“No problem. You know I love scaring the girls you date,”_ Anya answers, and Lexa knows she’s only half-joking.

“No, I mean… Thank you for watching out for me.”

_“Always.”_

“Love you.”

_“Love you too.”_

 

Lexa hangs up with a smile. When she hears her phone notifying her that she has a new message a few seconds later, she assumes Anya. She glances down at her phone and her heartrate immediately quickens when she sees who it’s from.

 

**Clarke**

I’m taking you on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi: mrslexagriffin.tumblr.com


	9. Chapter 9

Lexa absentmindedly twirls her hair between her fingers as she waits for Clarke to arrive. The blonde had texted her vague information about their date, refusing to give too much away. All Lexa knows is that Clarke will be at her place at midday to pick her up, and that she doesn’t need to dress up. And so Lexa is sitting tensely on the edge of her couch in her jean shorts and white t-shirt, wondering if she should have worn something nicer.

Lexa feels ambivalent about surprises. She claims to hate them, but there’s a part of her that enjoys being surprised. When Anya organized a surprise party for her 11th birthday, she had pretended to be unimpressed, but deep down she had enjoyed it. Anya could read her well enough to know that she had liked it, which Lexa could never live down. Every now and then, Anya will surprise her with a visit, boasting that she knows Lexa secretly loves it.

Lexa stares at the clock on the wall, following the second hand until all the hands point to 12 o’clock. She almost expects there to be a knock on the door at the exact moment midday hits, but she reminds herself that this is Clarke, and she is bound to be at least a little bit late. She continues to stare at the clock in an attempt to keep calm until she is interrupted by a knock on her door. Lexa notes that Clarke in only three minutes and fourteen seconds late before answering the door.

Lexa thinks that her heart might bust out of her chest when she opens her door to find Clarke grinning at her excitedly. She is tempted to lunge forward and kiss Clarke right then and there, but she manages to contain the urge. She is relieved to note that Clarke is also wearing casual clothes as she steps outside of her apartment to greet Clarke with a hug.

“Hey,” Clarke mumbles into her hair before they pull apart regretfully. “Sorry for keeping you in the dark about the date; I wanted it to be a surprise,” she adds sheepishly.

“That’s alright,” Lexa reassures her. “I’ll deny it if you tell anyone, but I don’t really mind surprises.”

Clarke grins and places a shy kiss on Lexa’s cheek before leading her to her car and opening the passenger seat for her. Once they are both inside and Clarke starts the engine, Lexa can’t contain her curiosity any longer.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” she asks, failing to hide the pleading from her voice.

Clarke grins and puts her car in drive, keeping her eyes on the road.

“You’ll find out in about fifteen minutes,” she assures her as the car lurches forward.

They fill the car ride with small talk, but Lexa’s mind is racing the whole time. She tries to figure out what direction they are going in, where they could possibly be headed and what their date will be. As for Clarke, she is hoping that Lexa won’t be disappointed by the date she has prepared. It had seemed like a great idea while she was planning it with Raven and Octavia, but she is having second thoughts as she watches Lexa squirm nervously in the passenger seat.

As promised, Clarke slows down and parks her car about fifteen minutes later. Lexa looks out the window to find that they are near a very large park. She is just as mystified about what they will be doing and seeing Clarke smiling knowingly at her is driving her crazy. She opens the car door and slips out, closing her eyes and enjoying the feeling of the sun on her skin. She hears Clarke exit the car after her and peeks one eye open to watch her.

“ _Now_ will you tell me what we’re doing?”

Clarke’s smile widens as she opens the trunk of her car, revealing the large basket that was hidden there. She watches Lexa’s face closely to see her reaction, but realizes that the brunette still hasn’t understood.

“We’re having a picnic!” she explains, and she immediately sees Lexa’s face brighten. She silently thanks Raven and Octavia for helping her plan this as she takes the basket in one hand and Lexa’s hand in the other.

Clarke leads Lexa to a quiet part of the park where they can have some privacy, and she is glad it is not very far, since the basket is heavier than she had anticipated. She puts it down with relief, and regretfully lets go of Lexa’s hand in order to open the basket and pull out a large blanket. She unfolds it and lays it down on the ground before sitting down and patting the spot next to her invitingly.

Lexa joins her as Clarke starts pulling various items of food out of the basket. Lexa smiles at the effort that Clarke obviously put into this outing as she accepts the sandwich Clarke hands her and bites into it. 

They eat in silence for some time, both of them enjoying the view of the park and of each other. Lexa alternates between watching the flowers and looking at Clarke, who looks adorable trying not to make a mess with her food. Clarke, for her part, has eyes only for Lexa, but also has to watch her food carefully to make sure she doesn’t get any on herself.

Lexa tries to hide her grin as Clarke drops some mustard on her white shirt and desperately tries to wipe it off, which only makes it worse. She looks away when Clarke lifts her head, and pretends she hasn’t noticed the mess. But the ghost of a smile on her face betrays her and Clarke blushes with embarrassment.

“It’s a beautiful day,” Lexa comments. “I’m really enjoying this; thank you for planning it.”

Clarke looks up from her stained shirt and visibly brightens at Lexa’s words.

“Good,” she answers, sounding relieved. “I was worried it wouldn’t be… fancy enough for you.”

When Lexa squints her eyes at her, Clarke immediately backtracks.

“Not that I mean you’re the type of person who expects fancy things. I didn’t mean to imply that I thought-”

Lexa stops her by placing her hand over Clarke’s reassuringly.

“I love it,” she says with such finality that Clarke can only believe her.

Clarke’s smile betrays her relief as she pulls out various options for dessert out of the basket. Lexa opts for an apple, and Clarke rolls her eyes. Clarke, for her part, chooses a chocolate cupcake and bites into it with such ferocity that Lexa can’t help but giggle.

Now Clarke would never admit this, but she purposely leaves a small piece of the icing on the side of her mouth, causing Lexa to point it out to her politely.

“You have a little…” Lexa explains, pointing to her own mouth to demonstrate.

“What?” Clarke asks, feigning ignorance.

“You have-”

Lexa pauses, her smile widening as she catches on. “Here, let me,” she announces, leaning towards Clarke. She notices the blonde’s pupils dilate as she gets close enough to see the tiny freckles that pebble her nose. She closes the distance between their lips, tasting chocolate on Clarke’s mouth. She makes sure to suck the icing off the side of Clarke’s mouth before pulling away with an innocent smile.

“All better.”

Clarke remains frozen in place, completely bewildered by the turn of events. She had expected, at best, for Lexa to wipe away the icing with her finger, but Lexa’s bold move has left her completely speechless. By the time Lexa has finished her apple, Clarke has regained some semblance of composure.

“I brought…” Clarke starts, but digs into the basket when she is unable to finish her sentence. She pulls out her sketchbook and hands it to Lexa. Lexa holds it tentatively brushing her fingers against the cover. Clarke gives her an encouraging nod, and Lexa opens the sketchbook carefully. She turns the pages slowly, giving every drawing her full attention. Some are quick sketches, while others are obviously the result of many hours of work. She looks at every drawing in awe, and has to restrain herself from brushing her fingers over them in wonder.

When she reaches a blank page, Lexa realizes that the sketchbook isn’t full yet. She closes it slowly and hands it to Clarke.

“It’s beautiful,” is all she can manage. She doesn’t think words could express the wonder and amazement she feels in this moment.

Clarke blushes and breathes easily again. Sharing her work with Lexa has been the most nerve-wracking part of the date. And although Lexa hasn’t said much, Clarke can tell that she is impressed by the look in her eyes.

“Would it be ok if I drew you?” she asks tentatively.

Lexa’s eyes are wide and filled with awe as she nods slowly.

Clarke grins and pulls out a pencil, twirling it between her fingers nervously.

“Just… try not to move too much,” she orders as she scoots away from Lexa to get a better view of her.

Lexa brings her knees up to her chest and rests her chin on them as she looks at the flowers. She blushes as she feels Clarke’s gaze on her. The light scratching of pencil on paper joins the sounds of the wind rustling in the trees and Lexa starts to feel herself drift off. She closes her eyes and focuses on the smell of the freshly cut grass, the warmth of the sun on her skin, the sound of the nearby fountain. She thinks she must have fallen asleep, because it feels like it’s only moments later that she feels a hand on her arm. She opens her eyes to find Clarke smiling at her, and she rubs her eyes absent-mindedly.

“I’m sorry, Clarke. I must have fallen asleep.”

Clarke grins and shakes her head.

“That’s fine, it made you a lot easier to draw. Although I have no idea how you managed to fall asleep in that position,” she adds with a laugh.

Lexa smiles back at Clarke. Law school being a very demanding field of study, Lexa has learned to fall asleep in all sorts of places and positions. When she mentions that to Clarke, it elicits a hearty laugh from her.

“You sound like Octavia, although she has no excuse for her lack of sleep,” she jokes. “Would you like to see your drawing?”

Lexa sits up straighter and nods solemnly. Clarke fiddles nervously with her sketchbook, worried that Lexa won’t like it. Despite her concerns, she hands the book over and watches Lexa’s face as she takes in the drawing.  

Lexa carefully accepts the sketchbook from Clarke and her jaw drops when she sees the drawing. She had been expecting a quick sketch, and she wonders how long she was asleep, because the drawing is detailed and absolutely beautiful. It portrays her in a way in which she has never seen herself before, and she sees herself as Clarke must see her.

The word “beautiful” escapes her lips in a whisper, and she looks up at Clarke in awe.

“It’s beautiful,” she repeats sincerely when she sees the uncertainty on Clarke’s face.

Clarke ducks her head, a small blush spreading on her cheeks.

“I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it,” Lexa answers, handing the sketchbook to Clarke. “It’s perfect.”

Lexa brings her knees back up to her chest and tries to hide her shiver. She must have been asleep for some time, because the previously clear sky is covered with clouds, and the temperature has dropped significantly. Clarke notices Lexa’s shiver and starts packing the picnic basket regretfully.

“We should probably get going. It looks like it might rain” she explains.

Lexa nods and folds the blanket, placing it in the basket. She offers to carry it, but Clarke insists on carrying it. It is a little lighter than it was on the way there, but not by much. Clarke makes an effort not to show how heavy it is, but Lexa notices and wordlessly takes the basket from her. Clarke admires how effortlessly Lexa carries it as they make their way back to the car.

When they are both sitting in the car, Clarke is hit with the realization that she doesn’t want this date to end. Not yet. And so starts the car and takes a detour, desperately looking for something else they could do. When she spots a giant bowling pin in the distance, she turns towards Lexa with a grin.

“Do you feel like going bowling?”

Lexa mirrors Clarke’s grin and nods, biting her lip.

Clarke pulls into the parking lot of the bowling alley, and leads them both inside just as the first raindrops start to fall. After asking her for her shoe size, Clarke asks Lexa to find them some balls while she pays at the counter. Once she has paid the rude man behind the counter, she makes her way to their assigned alley, where she finds Lexa holding two balls, one pink and one black. Clarke raises an eyebrow and Lexa giggles.

“This is mine,” she explains, pointing to the black one, “and this is yours,” she adds, motioning to the pink one.

“Hey!” Clarke protests, pretending to be offended. She reaches for the black ball. “I can play with this one-” she starts, stopping when she tries to lift the ball. Her eyes widen when she realizes how heavy it is.

“Nevermind,” she mumbles, grabbing the significantly lighter pink ball. “Show-off,” she teases when Lexa laughs at her.

They slip on their bowling shoes, Clarke joking about how fashionable they are, and Lexa commenting on their disagreeable smell.

Clarke goes first and both of her attempts end up in the gutter. She glances up at the television above their alley and watches the ‘0’ appear next to her name. She brushes her forehead with the back of her hand sheepishly and turns to Lexa.

“Ok, so I haven’t done this in a really long time,” she explains.

“Me neither,” Lexa admits, picking up her ball easily, and Clarke is once again impressed by how strong she is.

Clarke watches the look of concentration on Lexa’s face as she observes the pins, and smiles when Lexa steps forward seriously. She is about to tease the brunette, but her jaw drops when the ball leaves Lexa’s hand and curves towards the center of the alley, knocking down every pin.

“Liar!” Clarke gasps. “You’re actually good at this!”

Lexa grins and walks back towards Clarke confidently.

“The truth is that I haven’t played in a long time,” Lexa explains, “but I guess muscle memory kicked in.”

Clarke smacks her arm playfully, but she can’t pretend to be mad for long when Lexa offers to teach her. All of a sudden, Lexa’s front is pressed against Clarke’s back, guiding her arm as she swings it, and whispering instructions in her ear.

Clarke doesn’t improve much, but she blames it on Lexa’s closeness, rather than her teaching. Lexa continues to show off by making strike after strike. On Lexa’s last turn, Clarke decides to have a little bit of fun. Just as Lexa leans down to pick up her ball, Clarke comes up behind her and places a hand on the small of her back.

“How about a good luck kiss?” she asks in a husky voice, leaning close to Lexa’s ear.

Lexa turns around slowly, and visibly swallows as her pupils dilate. Clarke leans in and Lexa meets her halfway, their lips moving against each other softly. Clarke introduces her tongue and places a hand on Lexa’s waist, brushing her thumb on the soft skin underneath the hem of her shirt. Clarke pulls away with a satisfied smile when she feels Lexa shiver. She steps back and motions to the black bowling ball.

“It’s your turn.”

Lexa’s eyes are still glazed over when she picks up her ball. Clarke watches with a grin as Lexa throws her ball straight into the gutter.  

“What’s wrong?” she teases. “Are you a bit distracted?”

Lexa smiles sheepishly.

“A little,” she admits, and that’s an understatement. “But I don’t mind,” she adds with a smile.

By the time they make their way back to the car, the rain has stopped and the sun has started to set. Clarke opens the passenger door for Lexa before settling into the driver’s seat with a sigh.

“I guess I have to bring you home now,” she says regretfully as she starts the car.

Lexa hums in agreement, leaning her head against the window.

They drive back to Lexa’s apartment in a comfortable silence. Lexa goes through the radio channels, stopping when she hears a song she likes. Clarke hums along to the song, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel in time with the music. Lexa watches her and smiles, thinking about how easy it is for them to be together.

Clarke pulls into Lexa’s driveway and parks the car.

“I’ll walk you,” she offers, and Lexa nods.

They walk slowly to Lexa’s door, and Clarke’s mind is racing as she tries to think of what she will say when they get there. She doesn’t have much time to think, because all of a sudden, they are in front of Lexa’s door, and Lexa is turning back to look at her.

“This was fun,” is what Clarke finally settles on.

“It was,” Lexa agrees. “We should do it again someti-”

“Yes.” Clarke answers eagerly.

They both smile then, and Lexa pulls her keys out of her pocket regretfully. She leans in and gives Clarke a quick, chaste kiss.

“Goodnight, Clarke.”

“Goodnight.”

Clarke walks back to her car in a daze, and sits in the driver’s seat without starting the car. She pulls out her phone, and smiles when she sees Lexa’s name on her screen.

 

**Lexa**

I’m taking you out next time.

 

Clarke sighs with relief and allows herself an ear-splitting grin at the knowledge that there will be a next time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi: mrslexagriffin.tumblr.com


End file.
